333 and More Ways to Get Kicked Out of HQ
by iTorchic
Summary: Have you heard of the '333 ways to get kicked out of Wal-mart? Well, here's an FMA twist on it with the whole cast! It's manga and 1st anime based. Rated: T. This is just to get rid of writers block and supress my boredom. XD COMPLETE CRACK.
1. 1 through 9

**I got bored lately and I thought about 'The 333 ways to get kicked out of Wal-Mart'. Thanks to MyLifeIsAverage for that. XD**

**So, with that in mind I decided to make another random fic but based off of the 333 ways to make my little creation of: '333 ways to get kicked out of HQ'. I will borrow some of the ways from the Wal-Mart list for this but I plan on having fun with this and I'll update whenever. XD**

**I also got inspiration from 'Supplemental Rules and Regulations' which is another fic which hilarious! I really recommend it!**

**Enjoy the randomness!**

**1. Hide in the and jump out and yell "!!!" when someone walks by**

Ed went MIA after Hawkeye went through the lobby at the wrong time.

**2. Make up nonsense rules and ask new recruits if there are following them.**

The 44th division made up of completely new recruits were seen unbelievably drunk with Havoc and Breda missing in one afternoon.

**3. If a superior comes within 30 ft scream "GET AWAY FROM ME!!!" Then run out of the room screaming**

Mustang was left utterly confused when his entire team, save for Hawkeye, ran as soon as he walked in the door.

**4. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."**

The rumor was that the theme from "Mission Impossible" was heard every time before a building exploded and the Fullmetal alchemist was found in the hospital.

**5. Go up to random people and poke them. If they ask you what you're doing or tell you to stop, tell them that you're trying to find out what they ate for dinner last night**

The new recruit now knew that you should never poke a pissed off Mustang

**6. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters**

No one had seen Fuery run away that fast after finding a particular note on his desk

**7. Run through HQ and yell, "There's a dead body in here!!!"**

The investigations department led by Maes Hughes declared war on a certain Flame Colonel's crew…

**8. Act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions**

It was thought that Major Elric was subject to an alchemy mind rape…….

**9. Go to the Fullmetal Alchemist and say "Edward, I am your real father" **

Roy forgot Edward has father issues

**I get too bored with these things. XD Not to mention I have writers block. =( **


	2. 10 through 18

**It was only the 2nd**** episode of the dubbed version of Brotherhood and I was already crying. I love FMA so!**

**Also: thanks for the reviews! I'm glad you all loved it! I was surprised so many people liked it! Well, that just means I'll just be making more!**

**10. Make evil eyes at someone and start whispering, "I'm the little girl from the well... I've been waiting..."**

No one knew that Elysia could scare all of the new recruits who visited Central to the point they had to be sent to therapy

**11. Ride around on those electric cars and pretend that your a prissy English Man. Say things like "Cheerio, good man." to people who walk by. And don't forget to have perfect posture.**

Riza had to escort General Grumman home after the office party after he crashed his small pink car and was found completely wasted.

**12. Get popcorn and throw at officers, sneaking up on them in an un stealth-like way, while yelling random things **

There was a massive popcorn war in the courtyard after Edward threw the first kernel at the Colonel.

**13. Start "dancing" like mad. Basically, just wail your arms and legs around like your having some kind of massive seizure.**

It took awhile for Mustang's crew to realize that armor can't have seizures.

**14. Try on crazy costumes and walk casually through HQ.**

The newly established Masquerade Mondays was a big hit.

**15. Balance EVERYTHING you see on the tips of your finger, your nose, your forehead, and the top of your head while singing the circus song.**

With Hughes taking pictures for evidence, Roy broke the record for balancing things with: 2 large stacks of paperwork, 50 pens, a cup of coffee, a pack of Havoc's cigarettes, 15 pairs of his gloves, and Al's head. Even while dodging a bullet from Hawkeye's gun.

**16. Stare at the ceiling. See how many people look up.**

Over half of HQ had neck pains for the rest of the day while Edward couldn't stop snickering.

**17. Start singing songs in to a megaphone in the courtyard.**

Sooner or later everyone joined in for an HQ wide sing along of old drinking songs.

**18. Steal ketchup, go to a phone booth , smear ketchup all over you and say "HELP ME HELP ME! OMG! THE PALM TREE KILLED ME!"**

Roy was never so close to setting Hughes on fire after that one.

**Lol, I had fun with these. XD I'm doing 9 per chapter so the total amount of chapters will be 32! I hope you guys liked these!**


	3. 19 through 27

I'm baaaaacccckkkk! I just had an epic battle at musical practice involving light sabers, nun chucks, and 'bring it on' hand gestures against my crush.

I won. =3

**19. Ride a horse and have your friend pull you around HQ while you scream, "The homunculi are coming! The homunculi are coming**!"

The fact that they blackmailed Mustang to do that made many people wonder what the Colonel did that they blackmailed him for.

**20. Take a fishing pole, tie it to a sack of sens, and go fishing for humans!**

Edward caught Ling. At least he didn't have to pay for his large bill again!

**21. Start playing the violin.**

No one knew Havoc could fiddle so well. He ended up making enough money in tips to have 3 rounds of drinks for Mustang's entire office.

**22. Walk up to random people, give them a hug, and say, "I love you!"**

Falman was promptly taken for drug testing. Havoc and Breda suddenly felt guilty for spiking his coffee.

**23. Pretend to be Spiderman by running up walls and trying to save people**

Edward got bored of just being the 'Hero of the People'. Apparently he now had an alter ego who was part chimera with a spider. No one suspected the shrimp……

**24. Go up to a tough looking guy and push him and say you wanna fight? And when he pushes back start to cry and run away.**

Fuery was stunned when Armstrong ran away first. Apparently he was having a bad day.

**25. Flirt with someone, plan a date, and then break up with them, all in 10 minutes.**

Hawkeye went through 5 rounds of bullets that day. 

**26. Spill cooking oil all over the floor and then slide in it**

They broke the country record for biggest slip and slide. They also made a large amount of scrambled eggs due to the heat that day.

**27. Go up to someone and say "look over there" Then pull down their pants. And, if you're lucky, their underwear.**

All of the women were blushing in the lunch room as Edward ran out grabbing his falling pants as Mustang was cackling holding the blonde's belt. 

**Eh, I hope you liked these!**


	4. 28 through 36

**I'm back people! Time for the next 9 ways to get kicked out of HQ! Thanks for all of the reviews guys!**

**28. Pretend to have an asthma attack, and when someone tries to help you, bite them. Or pretend to faint.**

Mustang went to the doctors to make sure Fullmetal didn't give him rabies.

**29. Lie on the floor. Just lie there. It is guaranteed to freak people out. Either pretend to be asleep, or to have passed out.**

No one really questioned Havoc's motives. Apparently he was supposed to have a date with twins…….until Mustang walked by.

**30. Announce a sock-sliding contest and take off your shoes and start sliding.**

Breda ended up in the hospital after he slid a little too far into the stairwell

**31. Put a ski mask on and wear a black cape with black clothes and a sword and yell, "Zoro has returned!" while running across HQ.**

Everyone had wondered where the Furer had gone during the hour the weird masked man had been running rampant around HQ

**32. Protest against milking cows. **

People were perplexed at how Edward had managed to find 50 cows or even get them inside of HQ without noticing. All anyone even saw was the alchemist cackling like a madman while riding a cow during a stampede yelling: "RUN MY BOVINE FRIENDS! DON'T LET THEM MILK YOU!!!!"

**33. Get a bunch of your friends, about 10 or more, and go up to a lady. When there are lots of people around, ask, "Mommy? Can we have some ice cream?"**

After begging and pleading, Mustang's office along with Ed and Al were taken to the local ice cream parlor by Hawkeye after they had finished their paperwork for the week.

**34. Get a lot of matches and gasoline and carry them through HQ then smile at people**

Hawkeye confiscated Mustang's gloves for 5 months after the building caught on fire for the 7th time that week.

**35. Stare at a person for a long time while saying, "Hello, hello, hello" nonstop until they get really mad.**

They were lucky Kimblee was locked up or they would have been blown up 8 hours ago.

**36. Hide in the filing cabinets so when someone comes to look you yell, "PICK ME!"**

Ed was on a sugar high when he convinced Al that they should prank other squads. Not surprisingly, everyone was shocked to find a talking disembodied armor head to be talking to them whenever they opened a file cabinet.

**I personally like number 32 out of this set. XD **


	5. 37 through 45

**Happy Thursday! I have no school tomorrow so I will be updating a lot of my stories tomorrow! Yay! =D That probably means another chapter of 'Falling into Myself' and 'Soul Swap'! =) Even another chapter for 'Christmas Carols from the FMA Cast'! So, if you like to read my fan fics, tomorrow would be the time to check in on them!**

**37. Get a batman costume, put it on, and run around the store screaming at the top of your lungs, "COME ROBIN! TO THE BATMOBILE!"**

It was the only time Roy and Edward willingly cooperated and hijacked a car while chasing after 'The Joker' who had taken a picture of them actually getting along and threatened to pass it onto the newspaper. Hughes was going to pay.

**38. Go up to some old geezer & say "Grandpa!!! You're ALIVE!!! It's a MIRACLE!!! etc."**

Roy took the day off after that since he went into a state of denial about his age. The only catch was that his team, with Edward's help of course, filled his desk and office with old man propaganda and convinced the Colonel that his hair was beginning to gray.

**39. Set up a concert of singing subordinates. **

Since they did so well, 4 of the lieutenants (including Jean Havoc) formed a barbershop quartet and now have gigs every Friday night at the local bar.

**40. Challenge random people to a "d-d-d-d-d-d-duel!"**

Edward always thought that new recruits were great punching bags, especially when they thought he was Hawkeye's relative and felt that they need to baby him.

**41. Glare menacingly at anyone who comes within 40 ft of you. Then hiss like a snake and act like you're going to bite them**

HQ was on lockdown when Scar got into the building and was thought to be a part snake chimera

**42. Dress up in a trench coat & wear sunglasses. Walk up to someone and say "The rooster is in the nest" Wait for a reply. After they finish talking, hand them a marshmallow gun and whisper "use this wisely."**

There were 10 casualties in the marshmallow war, and they were all eating smores now.

**43. Run through the HQ singing I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODYS NERVES!!**

After a long sing along, they finally found Mustang with his personal office soundproofed. That just led to over 40 soldiers being conducted by a blonde haired alchemist in his doorway with a door mysteriously turned into a block of wood.

**44. Go up to some of the soldiers while your carrying a paper bag and say "trick or treat!" and if they don't give you anything, do the sad puppy dog face**

No one could say no to Al, even if he couldn't eat any of it. Ed merely shrugged and let his little brother loose on the adults.

**45. Put blue paint on your hand and when you see someone put your hand on their face and point at them and say, "A clue a clue!"**

Roy merely glared daggers at the investigation team led by Hughes as they ran off laughing. Round two had now commenced.

**Tada! Well, that's it for me tonight! I'll update a lot of my stories tomorrow so stay tuned!**


	6. 46 through 54

**Tis back again! Now onto more random spurt of my imagination!**

**46. Attempt to drown in a kiddy pool...**

Edward wasn't laughing when Mustang pushed him in and expected him to actually drown. He only got mad about the implied short reference.

**47. Climb up a ladder & try doing a King Kong thing**

Well, Armstrong was like King Kong, only the damsel in distress was Winry who had stopped by to check on Edward. Needless to say, Armstrong had a wrench shaped indent on his head for the rest of the day.

**48. Walk up to someone act like you can read their mind & say... sir or madam... don't do that.**

Mustang was freaked out when Hawkeye came up to him and said that moments before setting his stack of paperwork on fire.

**49. Randomly throw things over into neighboring offices**

And the office wars commenced

**50. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags, then attempt to fit others into very large gym bags**

Investigations had a cow when 6 body bags showed up in their offices by Major Armstrong only to find that they were sprayed with silly string as soon as they were opened by Mustang's subordinates hiding inside.

**51. Hold Barbie for ransom**

They had never seen Oliver Armstrong so pissed off in their lives. They immediately returned the hostage and escaped with their lives……for now.

**52. Ride around in a Barbie jeep with Barbie in the front seat and act like you're talking to her by saying "Let's bust this joint!"**

No one commented about the Ice Queen's preference in rides after the hostage situation. They all had a will to live.

**53. Scream really loudly and when someone tells you to be quiet scream, "I will not be silenced!!!!"**

Al ended up keeping the kitten after his loud protests.

**54. Draw mustaches on all the pictures and mannequins.**

Al and Armstrong soon had matching mustaches.

**Eh, not my best but I hope you enjoy them anyway!**


	7. 55 through 63

**I'm back! MWHAHAHAHAH!!!!!**

**55. Walk along look at someone giggle at them & say to no one... I know I know... hehehe keep doing it until they give you a weird look & walk off**

What they didn't know was that Al had stashed a multitude of kittens in his armor

**56. Go up to the cafeteria with cream cheese all over your face. Then start chanting, "We love bagels! We love bagels!"**

Bagel Fridays were an anticipated event throughout the ranks.

**57. Grab a can of whipped cream & find a bald guy Spray it on his head**

Archer was not amused

**58. Try all of the booze in the room and put them back then say, "Yup, that stuff's not poisonous."**

Roy was not pleased when his subordinates decided to 'protect' him from assassination attempts by poison. Even less so when they finally found Edward passed out under his desk protectively guarding a bottle of vodka.

**59. Swing on the banners**

The unanimous decision was to not let Fuery near any alcohol

**60. Wrap a hose around you and shout, "AAH! I'M BEING HELD HOSTAGE!"**

The surprising thing was that Al wasn't lying. Everyone was watching inanimate objects with caution in case the palm tree struck again

**61. Grab heavy but not too heavy objects, and see who can throw them the farthest**

Hakuro ended up with a concussion and the game Horseshoes was outlawed on military property.

**62. Spill water on the floor, and run around claiming that the store is flooded**

The water mysteriously disappeared as soon as the Furer's secretary walked by.

**63. Hug someone randomly and say, "I love u mommy!"**

Edward was on medication after his recent trip to the hospital when his brother found him hugging Juliet Douglas. Still, the likeness was uncanny.

**Lol, 1****st**** anime sloth was in here a lot. XD **


	8. 64 through 73

**Sorry I'm late guys! **

**64. Go to the front of the store in a baby diaper and ask a guy to change you**

No one was willing to change Armstrong's diaper

**65. Go up to random people and ask them if they will be your friends then link arms and start to sing the friends theme song**

Falman met new friends at Briggs

**66. Randomly place 24 bags of candy on people's desks**

Sugar highs brought a brand new meaning to office insanity

**67. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest room**

Fuery had to clean out his nose after it bled for quite awhile afterwards

**68. TP as much of the building as possible**

Alchemy just made things so much easier

**69. Start singing horrible karaoke**

The Furer vowed to never Rick Roll the country again during one of his speeches again

**70. Dress up in a fairy costume, and climb up a ladder and when people go by say "your wish is granted"**

Edward denied that it was actually him but Mustang knows better

**71. Lay a 200 sens on the ground and back away and when someone tries to pick it up run up to them and yell hands off my dollar!! **

Ling got away faster than Ed could keep up

**72. Knock over all the shelves and run around screaming 'EARTHQUAKE! EVERYON RUN!**

No one was complaining, they got out for the next two days

**73. Start a debate whether a ninja, a pirate, a wizard (Harry potter kind), a Jedi, or an alchemist would win in a fight.**

The rumor was that is what Ed really wanted to find out when he got to the gate. Truth was stumped so it got frustrated and took Edward's limbs and Al's body away. Edward is now just trying to prove the gate wrong and show that alchemists could totally pwn a Jedi.

**Sorry, the last one was the debate at my lunch table today and it was my theme. Between Ninja and Pirate, ninja wins hands down. I even asked my dad and he said ninja. =3 He's so epic!**


	9. 74 through 82

**Hey guys! I'm sorry I'm so late with this, but I have a legit excuse! I met Vic Mignogna, Chris Sabat (Armstrong), Wendy Powell (Envy), LittleKuriboh (who makes Yugioh Abridged) and others last weekend plus I've been busy! **

**Now I shall do my special St. Patrick's Day 9 ways although it is 3 days late!**

**74. Go magical creature hunting**

Just because someone is of small stature, does not mean they are a magical Irish legend. 30 people were admitted to the hospital due to broken jaws, broken bones, and various other injuries caused by the leprechaun of doom.

**75. Drinking contest. Enough said.**

Edward was starting to get fed up with the holiday after Breda and Havoc started filling Al up with beer. Luckily, they did not go near the soul binding array.

**76. Imitate the St. Patrick legend and when people ask why you're doing it, tell them they didn't get the memo.**

Shrieks pierced the halls as thousands of snakes slithered around with Al saying he would take them out of the building while the older brother laughed hysterically as Mustang sat atop his desk glaring daggers at him as another thousand were scattered across his office floor.

**77. Trick people into thinking you're Irish**

Edward had to kiss Armstrong's bald head and accidentally choked on a sparkle.

**78. Go around pinching anyone who isn't wearing green then run around like you're being chased.**

Breda was thought to have had one too many drinks

**79. Speak in limericks the entire day**

It's was bad thing that Roy was so armed

And his crew has been quite most alarmed

Oh his hands would go 'snap'

After all of that crap

And now Havoc's poor eyebrows are gone.

**80. Dye your hair green and say it's part of the new dress code**

Hawkeye was not amused.

**81. Put up pictures of rainbows everywhere with a pot of chocolate gold coins hidden by one of them.**

"FOR THE LAST TIME! AL IS DOES NOT HAVE GOLD IN HIM!! AND HE IS NOT A TRASHCAN GOD DAMN IT!""I thought you didn't believe in god Fullmetal."

"SHUT UP!"

**82. Get an Irish bar fight going at lunch**

Breda simply gave Falman a black eye while the rest of the soldiers just watched before turning back to their conversations.

**Me is an Irish ginger so this holiday makes me happy! Sorry if these are crappy, but I'm half asleep and it's 12:22 am. This is the only time I can update.**


	10. 83 through 91

**Hey! I will probably not be updating this week due to starting drivers ed then immediately going to my school's musical to perform all this week. So, I'll give you this until Saturday!**

**83. Run up to someone who is an opposite gender from you, slap them, and say "WHAT IS THIS? I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL!!!"**

Lt. Brosh was horrified when Lt. Ross gave him a stinging red mark across the face before she disappeared again.

"What?! I was just calling my mom!"

**84. Teach Edward how to drive**

"Never. Again."

"Come on Mustang! At least they dived out of the way at the last minute and I can just fix all of those buildings with alchemy!"

"Never. Again. **Ever**."

**85. Start jumping on beds, attempt to fall asleep until one guy tells you to get off. Then yell 'HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!?!? GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! GET AWAY FROM MY BED!!!!"**

Dorm life just got crazier in the military

**86. Make sure somebody's in the same hallway, then run screaming into a wall. Fall down and say "AHHH! The pain, the horrible, terrible pain!" Until someone asks if you're alright. When they do, get up and say, "Yes, I'm fine, why?" And then walk away calmly like nothing happened.**

This was yet another reason on Mustang's list of why Ed shouldn't drive.

**87. Dress up as an emo kid, then scream at people, "WHY HAVE YOU COME TO WORSEN MY MISERY?!"**

"I thought only girls PMS! Why the hell is Fullmetal so emotional?!"

**88. Climb up to one of the really high shelves and start singing Christmas carols at the top of your lungs. Works better around summer.**

They couldn't get Hughes down for a few hours after Elysia dressed up like a reindeer and he was filled with Christmas spirit. In August.

**89. Get an umbrella and have someone in a cart (or just a tall person) pour water on it while you sing Raindrops Are Fallin' On My Head.**

Mustang was not amused when they forgot the umbrella.

**90. Call the front desk and when they answer the phone say I'm sorry, your call could not be completed as dialed. Please hang up and try again. Then call and say I'm sorry, I will have to put you on hold. Can you call back? **

The secretaries at the front desk exacted their revenge when Havoc was humiliated by pranks around HQ for a straight 2 weeks.

**91. Skate around on a skateboard, then fall over and pretend to break your leg.**

Only problem was, Edward did break his automail leg. And Winry was scheduled to visit that same day…..

"I'll miss you brother."

"SHUT UP AL!"

**92. Stare at people for a minute and then smile at them happily**

The men ran screaming from the office when Hawkeye's coffee was filled with extra caffeine and sugar.

"NEVER AGAIN!"

"IT'S JUST TOO DAMN SCARY!"

"THE WORLD IS A LIE!!!!!"

"HOLD ME!!!!"

**Yes, I incorporated the driving thing. XD I felt that it was the theme for me now! =D Hope you enjoy and wish me luck in my performances and drivers ed!**


	11. 92 through 101

**Sup guys!**

**93. Smash the person in front of you on the head with a ham**

"What the hell?"

"You shouldn't be surprised sir, HQ is always in a state of chaos and utter random activities."

"GET BACK HERE BREDA! YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR THAT!"

"YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE HAVOC!"

**94. Randomly dance like a robot**

No one knew how Archer learned to dance the robot so well but it was an awesome surprise at the Christmas party

**95. Go up to an soldier and in a official tone say "code three in warehouse 13" and see what happens**

What Fuery saw was mass panic and hiding due to the ghost warehouse along with people starting to call people who got rid of ghosts with vacuum cleaners.

**96. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation**

Falman concluded that the meaning of life was 42 after much debate with his new friend, located in his brain.

**97. Say things like, "Would you be as kind so to direct me to your Twinkies?"**

The part that the soldiers forgot to tell Edward was the word 'don't' in front of that sentence.

"MY INNOCENCE HAS BEEN SHATTERED!!!"

"You're innocent?"

"SHUT UP AL!"

**98. Squeeze their legs and either sing, "I like to move it, move it! Or say "You got chicken legs!"**

It was the first, and last time Hawkeye shot someone from her own office. The victim chose to remain anonymous but they say that they will recover in a year along with therapy.

**99. TP as much of the store as possible**

So much can be done with alchemy that it never ceases to amazed, or anger, you.

**100. Whenever you hear a voice saying, clean up etc fall to the ground sobbing or screaming 'THE PAPERS!!' then get back up & act normal**

Well, the Colonel has been overworked lately so only the troops transferred to East city were shocked that their superior was insane.

**101. Do your own radio show over the intercom**

Havoc was devastated when he learned that Fuery's radio show had girls swooning over him for weeks.

**I'm alive! =D I only get 3 hours of sleep a night so I'm glad I'm able to update! XD Musical is going well! Oh, I never told you guys what we're doing! We're performing 'Thoroughly Modern Millie'. So, I'm going to go pass out due to lack of sleep so I'm off for now!**


	12. 102 through 110

**Hi! So, it was the last night of the musical on Sunday and it was EPIC! I never saw so many random fortune cookies flying! There was also a paintball war backstage and during the intermission, the pit and actors gathered together in the band room (which is connected to both the multipurpose room and backstage) to watch phantom of the opera and eat cupcakes. Then for the cast party, we went to Buffalo Wild Wings and we had two giant tables of 20 people. So basically it was another day of mass chaos and destruction. I also got videos so you guys can see! I'll post the links possibly on the next chapter.**

**102. Tape a walkie-talkie, hide it, and say to random people, "I know where you live..."**

Briggs troops had a new pastime of scaring the crap out of people with their 300 mile walkie-talkies in Central

**103. Run around HQ in a bathing suit singing the Surfin' USA theme song**

"No comment"

**104. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"**

Roy's reverse-psychology trick against his subordinates ended up with them all at lunch while he was left sobbing over his stupid mistake.

**105. Follow people through the hallways, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the building**

Edward felt he was being watched, but Furer Bradley had nothing else to do

**106. Drag a lounge chair over to the courtyard and relax. Buy a soft drink, sit in your swim suit, and set up a kiddy pool full of water. If questioned explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in your drink.**

Well, Hawkeye never did get a vacation and she could easily see through Mustang's window. She always seemed to know when they weren't on task and the bullet holes in the windows proved her point.

**107. Set all the alarms to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day**

Hakuro had exploded in rage after the 11th time. His staff silenced their snickers after the threat of getting fired.

**108. Start singing horrible karaoke**

Earplugs were common that day

**109. Go to the bathroom with a cantaloupe (hidden) Make grunting noises and drop the cantaloupe in the toilet. Then say "Phew, That's better"**

Edward couldn't face Armstrong for over a month after the incident.

**110. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down**

Another boring day at the office

**Bye guys!**


	13. 111 through 119

**Yay for spring break and updating all of my stories like mad! =D**

**111. Attempt to get to Narnia through secret passageways hidden in the building**

"It's through the ceiling! I'm telling you!"

"Edward, that's where we hide all of the dead bodies. It's hidden in one of the panels in the wall."

"Fine Colonel, wait…..WHAT?!"

**112. Get nerf guns and have a giant fight in one of the hallways.**

"I'VE BEEN HIT! I'M DYING!!!!" 

THUMP

"Lieutenant Havoc, they're foam darts."

"Yeah Hawkeye, I knew that! Hehehe……" 

**113. Start a fight in the cafeteria**

"FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!"

"What's going on here?!"

"Colonel Mustang and Major Elric are fighting, Hawkeye."

"Sir……….. What are you doing?"

"What does it look like?! I'm trying to beat this shrimp!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A SHRIMP?!"

THUMP

"Ha! I beat you Colonel! Pay up!"

"How the hell can you beat me in arm wrestling when you aren't even using your automail?"

"Yo brought up his secret weapon sir. His temper."

"Damn it…."

**114. Wear a giant hat, put a radio hidden inside, and walk around the building**

It was a great stress reliever, for the giant conga line was a great success.

**115. Play hide and go seek**

Alphonse was not found for a week due to the fact he didn't have to move for anything

**116. Take a baby doll, take off it's head. Then take a fake hand and attach it to the bottom of the head goes. Then hide it in Warehouse areas.**

"WAREHOUSE 13 IS BACK! THE BABY ZOMBIE IS ALIVE!!!!!"

"Hey Winry, thanks for making that thing remote controlled. Best April Fools day ever."

"You're welcome Edward."

**117. Create a hovercraft and ride it through the hallways**

It seemed that Edward found a new vehicle design from the gate and created it with alchemy, promptly took it for a test drive, but sadly crashed it. The bad thing was that he couldn't remember how to build it again.

**118. Attempt to look for Waldo**

"Those humans will never find Waldo! HEHEHEHEH!" 

"Envy, are you messing with those humans again by taking that form and hiding in crowds?"

"Well, since I'm not allowed to kill anyone from orders the next best thing is to make them go insane by looking for one guy out of millions and never find him!"

**119. Release three pigs into the building, each with a number painted on the side: 1, 2, and 4. **

They caught the pigs but never found pig number 3.

**I would like to let you know, that these are all things that happen at my school. XD **


	14. 120 through 128

_**Hi guys! =D I'm writing this at 1:18 am because I have nothing else to do (except for actually sleeping which I should be because I'm tried as hell).**_

_**But, it was spirit week this past week and I got to cosplay as Edward on Thursday and it made me feel happy. =D**_

_**Also: I will probably update this once more before I will be gone a few days. My school's music department is going on a field trip from Wisconsin to New York City by bus and we leave at 4:00 pm on Wednesday and I don't get back until about 1:00 am on Monday. XD**_

_**120. Play poker**_

_Edward learned that you should learn to knock if you're coming in after hours. He slammed into the office that was filled with empty beer bottles, a large table, poker, and nearly naked officers. Edward was embarrassed, but now he has great blackmail that Roy Mustang sucks at strip poker._

_**121. Play pranks with air horns**_

_They quickly learned how bad of an idea this was when it was around an unaware Hawkeye with fully loaded ammo._

_**122. Go on a road trip!**_

"_How is this a road trip?"_

"_Well boss, this is traveling."_

"_Havoc, you're pulling me, while I'm tied up, in a little red wagon."_

"_Well, you wouldn't go on the road trip Colonel. You needed a little persuasion."_

_**123. Bonfire, enough said**_

_Hawkeye was not amused._

_Mustang isn't amused anymore due to a phobia of an angry Hawkeye_

_**124. On a hot day, fry eggs on a flat warm surface**_

"_STOP USING MY BROTHER AS A GRILL HAVOC!"_

"_Come on Edward, it's really warm out and I'm starving!"_

"_BASTARD!"_

_**125. Hold a dance off, the prize goes to the best dance moves.**_

_No one knew Edward could break dance that well, but when the Furer started to disco, switch into the robot, then moonwalk was when he knew he was beat._

_**126. Create a giant slip and slide down the hallways using tarp and water with small amounts of soap.**_

_Yet again, Hawkeye was not amused. She grew even less amused when a private bumped into her, sending her down the hallway completely soaked and sudsy with the gawking men not making anything better._

_**127. Break Edward's automail, the call and visit from his mechanic will keep you entertained for hours**_

"_WINRY! I'm telling you it's not my fault! Armstrong came and.."_

_CLANG_

"_OW DAMN IT!"_

_128. Adopt a bunch of animals and leave them at a friend's house without them knowing._

"_Yes Al, you can get all 400 of the cats, but Colonel Mustang agreed to watch them all while we're traveling so let's go drop them off at his apartment!"_

"_Okay brother!"_


	15. 129 through 137

Sup guys? Less than two days till my trip to New York! =D Also, my mom finally got me a world map so I can finally mark where all of my readers are from! Tis going to be epic!

Plus: I've been learning how to play the banjo since last Thursday and I already know how to play the Hogwarts theme, the pokemon theme, and I can Rick roll on my banjo. I feel accomplished! XD

**129. Learn how to play the banjo**

How Al learned, Ed will never know

**130. Prank the old leady who lives nearby, then blame some other people for your random acts.**

Old lady Dante wasn't amused and she held the grudge till the day she finally got back at Edward in the underground ballroom

**131. Dress up in a random costume for the day and see if people can guess who you are.**

Armstrong was a disturbingly accurate 'Barney the Dinosaur' and Fuery wouldn't come out of the closet for eight hours.

**132. Dress up as a superhero and save the world from evil!**

"Let's go my loyal sidekick!"

"Sir, I am not your sidekick and I will not wear that costume."

"But Hawkeye!!!!!"

-Click-

"FINE! You don't have to be my sidekick!"

"At least you're learning that I won't wear a miniskirt sir."

**133. Go mattress surfing, however don't forget to wear a helmet.**

After a hospital visit, the men learned that it is not wimpy to wear a helmet……………….. Although screaming like 5 year old girls, like they were, would.

**134. Convince your friends you can contact the dead through a mirror and hold a séance.**

Hawkeye banned these after they were all hiding in various parts of the office, pale faced, the next morning with a wee gee board and a crystal ball on Mustang's desk.

"You all will never learn."

**135. Bet someone that they can't bungee jump off of the building.**

"I WIN HAVOC! I WANT MY MONEY!"

"Fine Breda, you really can bungee jump off of the building."

"Wait, Havoc?! Where're you going? How am I getting down?! HAVOC!"

**136. Convince people that the aliens really are out to get them, then team up with a friend and have them kidnap you as your friend is dressed up as a Martian.**

Sheska was freaked out for weeks and nothing would get her out of her apartment.

**137. Hold a water balloon fight indoors by randomly bombarding people**

The only saving grace that Edward and the guys from the office had, was that they soaked Mustang's gloves long enough to make an escape. However, that would not save them from his revenge later….


	16. 138 through 146

Sup guys?

This is probably my last update on here until……..well……..a week from today. I have a few more minutes while my ipod is synching before my mom yells at me to finish packing!

I'm glad you all love these so much!

Thanks for all of the support guys!

**138. Pretend to be statues: paint your skin grey, dress up in grey, and stay completely still until an unsuspecting target comes up. **

Surprisingly, Ed actually did pretty well. However compared to his brother, he didn't scare as many people.

**139. Sing everything you say. If people ask why, tell them that you are being filmed for a musical and if they want to be in it they need to sing as well.**

It was Mustang who started 'HQ Musical', and when a director saw the singing soldiers around central, he was inspired to make an actual movie based off the event. Edward is still wondering what the hell happened.

**140. Play human dominoes**

It was pretty easy to play in the mess hall. One wet floor, 500 officers standing in line, and a bored Havoc and Breda equals one painful and fun game.

**141. Three words: Real life 'Clue'**

"I accuse Roy Mustang, in the ballroom, with the knife."

"Hughes: no."

"Fine then: I accuse Edward Elric, in the library, with the letter opener."

"WHO'RE YOU CALLING TOO SMALL TO USE REAL WEAPONS?!"

**142. Start staring at a random person in the room and see what they do**

When the men secretly agreed to stare directly at Fuery, he ran out 2 minutes later from being freaked out. A bullet rang out through the office less than 30 seconds after that due to the men picking their female co-worker as the next target.

**143. Crash a party**

"The fact that you crashed the Furer's ball is the stupidest thing."

"What?! I'm never invited to that thing Colonel!"

"That's because you crash it every year Fullmetal."

**144. Create a giant conga line**

"Best new year's party ever!!"

CRASH

"Told you Breda was too drunk."

**145. Pretend to go on vacation**

It didn't last long for Mustang when his paperwork was doubled

**146. Paint eyes on your eyelids to take an easy nap**

"How did she know?!"

"Well Sir, you painted your eyes so they were blue."

"So?"

"Light blue."

"Ohhhhhh…."


	17. 145 through 155

**Hello everyone! =D I'm back from New York! It was completely epic!!!! Let me enlighten you on some of the things that happened to me and my school in this new chapter! I would like to note that these things actually happened, although names and places were changed to protect the innocent.**

**147. Get together a whistling choir**

The fact that the men in the office managed to whistle a song in three part harmony due to pure boredom was hilarious enough. It was the fact that Hawkeye actually joined in since they were still doing their work.

**148. Have a dinner cruise on a boat with your friends**

"Hey, no crowd surfing! You'll throw Al overboard! NO! GET EDWARD OFF OF THAT ROOF RIGHT NOW!"

**149. Kidnap random animals**

"Brother, what is that?"

"Nothing Al, let's go/"

"Brother………………is that a pigeon?"

"…….."

"Didn't we agree you couldn't keep birds?"

"Shut up Al."

**150. At the military picnic at the lake, have a chicken fight**

"I FINALLY BEAT YOU COLONEL BASTARD!"

"Shut up Fullmetal. Havoc, why did you drop me?!"

**151. Have a rap battle**

After a long war of wars, Grumman finally prevailed over Hakuro by talking about smiling kittens.

**152. Go shopping for random items**

"Fuery, is that a pink cat plushy?"

"Ummmm……..no?"

**153. Skip work to go to a sauna**

"I'm glad you can use alchemy Colonel. The fact you disguised the sauna just made it that much better to get away with it."

"Shhhhh! Havoc! Shut up!"

*door opens*

CLICK

"Back to work boys."

"DAMN IT HAVOC!"

**154. Go on a long road trip**

"Too………..many…………….trains…………"

"Brother, it's times like this I'm glad I don't have a body."

**155. Dress up in an animal costume and follow a person around until they just about notice you then walk off**

The fact that Armstrong dressed up as a giant pink bunny was scary


	18. 156 through 164

**Hola peoplez! =D Time for our favorite part of the day……………..an update! =D**

**156. Act like you're in a soap opera**

"Dearest brother! How will we ever find the stone when you keep dating Winry?!"

"We will find the stone if it will take till our dying breath, and I'm not dating Winry……..I'm dating her twin sister!"

"NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! But you cannot do that Edward! We have to push forward to find the stone and restore our bodies and not be distracted! I promised on my last dying and not currently existing last breath of my young and angsty life!"

"I know Alphonse, but we will find the stone! I know we will!"

*Mustang walks in*

"What the f-"

**157. Try to get your enemy to switch sides**

It had been a dramatic battle between Envy and Edward. They stood facing each other, both panting heavily. Edward was bleeding profusely, Envy attempting to regenerate.

"You'll never beat me Envy!" Edward spat and Envy lifted an eyebrow.

"Is that so?"

"Yeah!" Edward yelled and Envy's face broke out into an evil grin.

"Well then, I will have to offer a proposition to someone as 'powerful' as the Fullmetal Alchemist."

"I'll never accept a deal from you!"

"Come to the dark side! WE HAVE COOKIES!!!!!"

"…………cookies?"

"Yes! Chocolate chip cookies that are fresh from the oven. Sloth made them. We also get super special awesome fudge coated super jackets. They're all fuzzy on the inside, and there's a cool logo and you get your name put on the front…"

"……..really?……………..How fuzzy are they?"

"Like nothing you've ever felt before and that's because you're on the side of 'good'. We even have unlimited philosopher's stones…….."

"Well……….."

And that is how Pride!Ed was born!

**158. Go scuba diving **

It helps to remember when you have two metal limbs that will drag you straight to the bottom before jumping off the boat.

**159. Two words: Shopping Spree!**

"Envy, help me go down to the girl's boarding school down the road?"

"But old lady Dante, why do you want to do that? I'm supposed to go on my killing spree today!"

"Quit your whining Envy. I need to go shopping for some girls. Don't forget to get the van and bags of candy."

**160. Sabotage a superior's office or home**

After Ed went through, Mustang's apartment was filled with harmless booby-traps, his clothes were all pink, his pants were replaced with miniskirts, and his closet was filled with dozens of stray cats that Al didn't know was missing from their room.

**161. Have a battle with someone using weapons you have created**

"Fullmetal, what are those?"

"Well Colonel, I finally proved my genius in alchemy!"

"Are those……..light sabers?"

"Well I needed something for my assessment! Now bring it on so I can kick your ass."

**162. For Trick or Treating, go as the headless horseman**

Alphonse was dubbed as the best costume and no one freaked out when the suit had no one in it. They just thought it was an alchemized costume

**163. Find an unsuspecting victim and stalk them. Make sure they don't see you.**

"Let's agree that we'll never mess with Hawkeye ever again."

"That would be a wise decision sir or I won't miss my target this time."

**164. Take ninja training**

"Teacher! Will you teach us how to be ninjas?!"

SMACK

"Over a year as my apprentice and you still don't learn anything Edward."

"Fine, I'll leave…"

*Edward walks out the door*

"Heheh, doesn't he know that a ninja never reveals her secrets?"


	19. 165 through 173

**Sorry for the delay with the new set! =D I was idea searching and I managed to find some that would work well. I also got some ideas from my friends at the lunch table at school due to their intake of sugar and hyperness. XDDD**

**So, I hope you will enjoy!**

**165. Put whoopee cushions on your superior's chair**

Thanks to help from the Fullmetal Alchemist, Breda and Havoc were able to successfully pull it off with Colonel Mustang being puzzled and irritated for hours before he found the damn thing transmuted into his favorite chair.

The two were in the hospital for second degree burns a half hour later after he had found it.

**166. Throw a surprise party**

Winry had been visiting Central and Edward had sent her with some money to go shopping. She happily agreed and after a few hours she returned to the hotel with bags of new automail supplies. However as she approached her room, she heard noises inside and grabbed her trusty wrench before opening the door.

"SURPRISE!"

"EEEEEK!"

CLANK

"OWWW! WHAT THE HELL WINRY?!"

"Sorry Edward! I didn't see where I was throwing my wrench! You all surprised me!"

"Fine," He grumbled, "Just come eat your damn birthday cake…"

**167. Play craps in the hallways**

The dice game gained popularity with the soldiers in Central HQ before it became an unofficially scheduled occurrence in the back hallway.

**168. Get a piñata and bust it open**

They did just that, but only after they taped pictures of homunculi onto it. It was a great stress reliever.

**169. Take ballet classes**

It was one of the many things that people at HQ DID NOT want to know about the sparkly major.

**170. Hold a pie throwing contest**

It was an epic battle of delicious pastries flying through the air at high velocities with there being no survivors…….that weren't full.

**171. Dress someone up as a chicken and lock them out of the office**

Breda's hair ended up yellow, he wore a suit full of feathers, not to mention he was in nylon stockings. They had also handcuffed him so he couldn't get away and now Havoc is running from his life from an imitation Big Bird.

**172. Send someone back to school**

When Mustang had found out that Edward hadn't actually finished school, he enrolled him in Central Elementary for a week. Ed got pissed, the kids learned a few words they shouldn't have, and Mustang's house is still on fire.

**173. Carry around a boom box and blast dance music**

It eventually led to a giant conga line and Envy being thoroughly amused since Dante said he couldn't kill or torture anyone this week.

**Some of these are true. I'll let you try and guess =P**


	20. 174 through 182

**Hello everyone! =D Today is a special day. Today should be the day where '333 ways to get kicked out of HQ' gets it's 333****rd**** review! XD I find so much irony in that! XDDD **

**174. Recycle!**

"FOR THE LAST TIME YOU BASTARDS! AL IS NOT A GARBAGE CAN!"

"What about a recycling can?"

That officer ended up in the hospital 5 minutes later

**175. Play Frisbee in the hallways**

It wasn't a problem until they nailed a General in the face.

**176. Stick stuff to the ceiling and see how long it takes people to notice**

Everyone went out looking for the missing Fullmetal Alchemist, however they didn't notice someone glaring at them from above until a week later.

**177. If someone falls asleep, use an airhorn to wake them up**

Coffee was not the only thing that kept people awake anymore

**178. Stalk your idol**

Edward always felt like someone was watching him and he noticed his stuff seemed to disappear, he just didn't notice a little girl with a black and white cat thing following him and sneak into his room after he had left.

**179. Throw a beer party**

Roy Mustang stormed into the party once he heard his youngest subordinate was throwing a beer party for the rest of the crew but the type of beer was not specified. He did not expect to find the Elric drunk on root beer.

**180. Slather glue on the toilet seats**

It would not have been a problem if Falman was an alchemist, but he ended up stuck there for a day and was teased for it for over a month.

**181. Play a game of ultimate tag**

It was more serious when Scar was it and state alchemist were the players. Scar always ended up it and it usually morphed into a game of cops and robbers.

**182. Glue cat ears and a tail onto someone while they're asleep **

Rumor was that Ed had pranked Alphonse earlier that week and this was his retaliation. However, the glue didn't wear off for about 3 weeks and he was an honorary chimera on base. Roy never let him live it down.

**The airhorn one was inspired by my US history teacher. People kept falling asleep during videos. He now has an app for that! He demonstrated his airhorn app last Friday while we were watching a movie and I've never been so proud of a teacher! =D**


	21. 183 through 191

**Hola! **

**I just started up another crack fic similar to this one called 'Winry's New Automail Designs'. If you enjoy the randomness of this story, I'm sure you'll love the mass chaos that will be compacted into Ed's automail! =D**

**Also, if you check out the other story, you'll see about my 1000 views from yesterday alone from registered users. I know a majority of them are from this story so THANK YOU SO MUCH PEOPLE!!!!! *gigantic glomp that covers the whole earth in huggy-ness***

**So, now we shall continue.**

**183. Hide squids in your superior's desk**

Mustang was complaining that he was running out of ink. Edward decided to be nice and give him some straight from the source. The spots from the arms didn't fade from Mustang's face for a week, Edward had a squid in his pants, and the rest of the squids ended up in that week's mystery meat.

**184. Form a band**

Turns out Al was good at drumming, Fullmetal was an excellent name for a lead guitarist, and Winry was great at singing. Winry joined them on their quest for the stone, since it was on their tour route anyways while Edward was finally given a room at hotel.

**185. Have a pokemon battle**

"Ha! My Squirtle kicks your Charmander's ass Colonel!"

"That's what you think Fullmetal! Charmander use flamethrower!"

"Squirtle dodge and use metal claw!"

"Colonel, Edward. If you're going to fight each other then please don't get an innocent turtle and salamander involved and please take it outside. You already torched the couch from 'Charmander's' last flamethrower."

"Yes Riza…"

"Okay Hawkeye…."

**186. Become a pimp, if need be then take lessons**

If Havoc had noticed that his pimp instructor was Greed, finding the homunculi would have been much easier on everybody.

**187. Trick a co-worker into wearing a costume to work by announcing there's a ' crazy costume party' that day**

Falman was humiliated when he showed up in a ballerina outfit to work. Hawkeye merely rolled her eyes at the laughter and went to go find a suitable uniform for the man to wear.

**188. For someone's birthday, make an exploding cake instead**

Since the cake was already ruined and Mustang's face was already covered in cake, the whole room followed next after the first glob was thrown at a laughing Havoc.

**189. Hypnotize someone**

Seeing Armstrong shave off his moustache was a pleasure to many people that day until it mysteriously grew back by the next day. No one dared to question it.

"This place is weird enough. Why question it?"

**190. Write a biography**

"Fullmetal, what are you doing?"

"What does it look like?! I'm writing a biography!"

"It looks like you're making a backwards comic book."

"Shut up! You're just jealous cause you don't have your own comic book!"

**191. Attempt to fly**

They now learned that constructing make-shift wings and attempting to jump off the tallest part of HQ doesn't guarantee flight, only a one way trip to the hospital.

**I would also like to say………..107 IS OUT! RUN LIKE MAD DAMN IT! IT WAS COMPLETELY EPIC AND IF YOU LIKE AL THEN RUN TWICE AS FAST!!!!!**


	22. 192 through 200

**Hi guys! I had a half day in school so………….it's update day! =D YAY!**

**192. Go to ****The Door**

Roy had to go on a mission with Ed and that meant Al was around too as the three walked though the forest. Edward had too much caffeine earlier in the day and Al was just hyper, talking about going to a candy mountain.

"Okay, to get to the snowman, we have to get past……The Door."

"The Door!" Ed announced, with Al echoing, suddenly as a giant stone gate stood in front of them.

Roy was just confused, "The Door?"

"The, The Door!" Al repeated and Mustang still had no clue.

"What is The Door?"

"The Door is everything! It is everything that once was and all that will be!" Ed proclaimed.

"The Door controls time and space, love and death!" Al screamed while the brothers stood starry eyed in front of the Colonel.

"The Door can see into your mind!"

"The Door can see into your soul!"

"Really? The Door can do all that?" Roy asked nervously as he stared at The Door.

"No." Ed laughed, "Let's go find the magical leopluradon! He'll tell us where candy mountain is and give us the stone!"

"Let's go Brother!" The two skipped off happily while the Colonel considered early retirement.

**193. Write depressed angsty and gory fan fiction**

Surprisingly, Fuery wrote some gruesome stuff that even the Colonel turned a shade green at.

**194. Steal the source of Edward Elric's power…..his leather pants**

Envy was disappointed to find out that the true source of Edward's power was…….his leather shoes.

**195. Have a BBQ**

Mustang was seen stalking away from the work picnic covered in soot muttering angrily about grills not being able to be set without them blowing up in his face. However, Hawked _had_ warned him not to use his gloves to light it in the first place. His missing eyebrows were a testament to his bad listening skills.

**196. Learn how to play a musical instrument**

"Fullmetal can play piano? How can his feet reach the pedals?"

"SHUT UP YOU BASTARDS!"

**197. Roleplay as Star Trek for the day**

"Why the hell is Fullmetal the captain and I'm Spock? Why the hell am I Spock?"

"Calm down Colonel. It's only 'team bonding time' and it's for a day."

"But why the hell am I Spock?"

"You look most like an alien and you look like him."

"Shut it Fullmetal."

"You can't boss me around! I'm the commander!"

"Commander my ass!"

"No Colonel, don't take out the gloves………….just great! Now we need another new couch!"

**198. Create a shrink ray**

Edward was excited when he ordered a 'growth ray' from one of the newspaper ads and quickly put it together when he got it. The ray worked………….however not in the way he wanted…..

"WHY THE HELL AM I SHORTER!"

"Hey Fullmetal? Did you get shorter or did you just take off your giant boots?"

"SHUT UP BASTARD!"

**199. Have an alchemy face off**

It ended up with mass chaos. Roy and Edward decided to fight non-lethally, however Fuery's uniform ended up being transmuted pink, Havoc was bald, Falman had a broken leg, Breda was in hiding, Hughes lost all of his pictures, Hawkeye was pissed, Roy's hair was now neon green, and Edward's hair was on fire.

**200. Stage a riot**

When officers heard what happened to Hughes in the phone booth and who had done it, they were outraged.

"Oh my god, they killed Hughes!"

"THOSE BASTARDS!"

**Lol, so many references, so little time! XD 192 is from Charlie the unicorn, 194 is from LittleKuriboh's new music video, 196 is from my fic 'Soul Swap', 197 is from Star Trek of course, 198 was inspired from a user on here (thanks thesoulalchemist!), and 200 is from south park (although I don't watch it XD). Enjoy! =D**


	23. 201 through 209

**You guys are lucky! Two updates in one day along with updating my other new crack fic!**

**I'm back and I'd like to say that MylifeisAverage is my inspiration for this set! =D Note, I'm only changing the people into FMA characters for this set! 209 is the only one that didn't really happen in real life.**

**Also, thanks to something I saw in xXSweetestXAngelXNightmareXx's fanfic, 203 is based off of something from that.**

**201. Put a tiny bit of soap in your mouth**

Ed was sent to the military hospital when he nearly attacked Mustang after another short comment and the alchemist tried this. He's now being tested for rabies.

**202. Ride a unicycle through town**

No one knew what Scar did in his free time, nor did they want to find out after finding him doing this.

**203. Introduce hot pockets to the world**

Edward was extremely excited for the fact there was no milk within the area and he could eat peacefully

**204. Dress up animals**

Roy didn't wonder when Black Hayate went running past him, but he promptly stopped in his tracks when he saw a cat wearing a red cape chasing the dog.

"I really need to lay off the booze for awhile…."

**205. Find out what the longest four letter word is**

It was an interesting discussion in Mustang's office. Edward had said they were all the same length, and things went from there but when Hawkeye said it was 'life', the noise quieted and they wondered about the irony of the answer.

**206. Compliment someone you don't usually get along with**

Mustang said Edward was extremely intelligent for his age

Edward said Mustang wasn't acting as much as an ass as usual, his gray hairs weren't showing as much, and he was a little less useless right now.

Hawkeye promptly broke apart the 'compliments' when it began on complimenting fighting moves by demonstration.

**207. Work…….seriously…actually do something you're told to do**

A scream was heard right after Havoc sneezed. Apparently, his head smacked into the pen as he sneezed and now he was a bit dazed.

**208. Go shopping**

Winry was happily buying tools from the hardware store and ran into tools that boasted they were Amestris made, top grade tools. She eagerly bought them only to find out when she got home, thanks to the printing on the tools, that they were made in Xing.

"I'VE BEEN LIED TO! WHAT NEXT? IS THE CAKE A LIE?"

"Yes."

"SHUT UP!"

**209. Monitor an Edward fan club**

The recently released book 'Nightlight', a book about sparkly vampires with the main one being named Edward made teenage girls go insane with it. Unfortunately for Edward Elric, the boy was stuck with Armstrong for the day and he ended up covered in sparkles. The last anyone seen of him was when he was chased off by hundreds of teenage girls and all they found was shreds of red cloth and black leather.

They finally found him a week and a half later nearly insane, clothes ripped to shreds, and he looks like he was having a seizures. For the first time in his life, Mustang felt true pity for the boy.

**OMG! The weather channel was just playing music from Harry Potter while my dad was checking the radar! MY LIFE HAS JUST BEEN MADE!**


	24. 210 through 218

**Hi! =D Guess who's back with a new update? =D**

**Also, today I figured out that in the world of kitchen utensils, the spork is equivalent to Lady Gaga.**

**210. Try and grow a beard**

When Edward saw his first stubble, he was extremely determined to at least grow a little facial hair. However everyone laughed when they tried to think of the shrimp with a beard. Edward settled for a goatee instead.

He surprised everyone when he actually came into the office six months later sporting his goatee. However, no one had to know he cheated a little bit and transmuted a small amount of hair from his braid onto his chin.

**211. Have a Luau **

Everyone was surprised when Hawkeye showed up in a tank top, shorts, and a hula skirt. However Mustang would never live down what happened at the actual party.

"This will never be mentioned ever again."

"But that pig went flying and-"

"Fullmetal, I said it would not be mentioned ever again."

**212. Keep a diary**

The woes of Jean Havoc were a big hit, especially with Mustang when he finally found out how many of Havoc's dates he actually stole.

**213. Get a tattoo**

"Why did you get Falman drunk in the first place?"

"We were bored."

"And thirsty!"

"Plus that rainbow was nicely inked. Falman probably won't even notice! At least until he takes a shower…….."

**214. Watch a thunderstorm**

Edward decided afterwards that it was not a good idea to stand out on a hill to watch the storm. He was soaked and slightly singed because forgot that the lighting would be attracted to his automail.

"Not one word to Winry or I'll murder you."

"Heheheheheheheh."

**215. Play ghosts in the graveyard**

Edward had heard of the office's escapade to find warehouse 13 and challenged Mustang to a game, asking if he was scared. Mustang dragged his crew out himself and they played at midnight. Fuery was found sobbing, Breda and Falman were still freaked out, Havoc was laughing hysterically, and Roy was pissed when Edward played and especially when Alphonse arose from the ground where he was buried earlier.

"The bastard is going to give me hell for the next year but it was totally worth it."

"Brother, don't torture the Colonel that much."

**216. Play hot potato**

"You bastard! Why didn't you say it was a smoke bomb?"

"Well Fullmetal, I'd say that would be payback for your little game at midnight."

**217. Put together a puzzle**

Truth had been trying to finish it's puzzle for about a hundred years but it couldn't find the last piece.

"NOOOOOO!"

-meanwhile-

"Hey Colonel? Is that a puzzle piece?"

"Yeah, don't know what it goes to though. I'll just burn it…..with the paperwork."

It explained why Truth was so pissed when it decided to take away Roy's eyesight at the gate.

"THAT'S FOR THE PUZZLE PIECE!"

**218. Teach kids about life**

"Little big brother, I have a question!"

"What is it Nina?"

"Where do we come from?"

"What?"

"Where do mommies get little babies?"

"Ugh…………well………..uhhhh……..they're like magic flowers. You have to believe and put a little energy in and take care of seeds and they'll be there when they grow enough."

"Oh. Little big brother, can you make a baby?"

"WHAT?"

"You make magic flowers, so can you make me a baby too?"

"Uhhhhhh…………AL!"

**Poor Edward. XDDDD**


	25. 219 through 226

**I am extremely happy with my case of soda and giant stuffed crust pizza with cinnamon sticks. =3 **

**219. Switch the signs on the Men and Women bathrooms**

Edward's blush didn't fade for a week and avoided seeing any female officers while Hawkeye made sure that it never happened again by force.

**220. Get a friend drunk and let them loose on the world**

They only found Breda because he was naked and playing bagpipes on the roof of HQ

**221. 'Decorate' a friend's car**

"THIS IS NOT FUNNY ROY! HOW AM I GOING TO GET HOME TO SEE MY ADORABLE LITTLE GIRL?"

"Perhaps, Maes, you could get tires that are not now melted to the street and car not painted with blue paint and perhaps one that doesn't have all the doors glued to the frame. Hehehe…"

**222. Blow off work and go to a water park**

……………………………….......nothing really happened. They were all just at the water park.

**223. Become a ventriloquist **

"WHY ARE YOU USING ME AS A DUMMY?"

"Well Fullmetal, there are two reasons: one, you can be brain-dead sometimes; two, you're small enough to play the part."

Half of HQ was gone that afternoon after the eldest Elric blew up

"WHO'S THE DUMMY NOW MUSTANG?"

"I'd say you are. You have to pick up all of this."

"AUGH!"

**224. Hold a talk show**

It ended up being catastrophic and no one dared mention it again due to the persons responsible threatening more mass destruction than they caused on the show.

**225. Open a restaurant**

"Well, I think the steaks are done fast enough! I know how to get them medium rare and well done with a snap!"

And such, Mustang's Grill was opened in Central

**226. Make a TV Show**

"Really? Really? There's already two shows, a book series, multiple video games based off my life! Why not add another show!" Edward was heard screaming.

**There ya go my bloodthirsty readers!**


	26. 225 through 235

**Sup everyone? So I got bored and decided: 'Why not make a Facebook page for me to talk to my readers?'. So, now I have a Facebook set up so I can contact you guys! =D Well, I had one before but I'm obsessed about crazy stalkers finding me so I made one for readers to contact me at. So, if you're on Facebook then look for 'Torchic Fiction'. Because Facebook is stupid and required a last name and it kept capitalizing the 'I'. __ **

**Still, ADD ME ON FACEBOOK! I CAN TALK TO YOU PEOPLEZ THEN! I've been known to give spoilers to people who contact me cause I get overly excited about them. XDD Still: ADD ME!**

**227. Hold a carnival**

Edward trapped Mustang in the dunk tank and had a fun afternoon.

**228. Compete on a game show**

The Amestris version of 'Survivor' seemed to be a hit. They deposited 20 people on Yock island and they were not allowed to use alchemy.

"40 days stuck with these people? You gotta be kidding me!" Edward screamed as the boat went away.

**229. Introduce the Computer**

It seemed that World of Warcraft was popular in all worlds

**230. Introduce the Internet**

"WHOEVER CAME UP WITH ROYED IS GOING TO DIE A PAINFRUL AND GRUSUME DEATH THEN BE FED TO GLUTTONY!"

**231. Buy a motorcycle **

The fact that Mustang now drove a motorcycle only boosted his status with the ladies, his ego inflated even more, and decreased Havoc's self esteem in one day.

**232. Create a children's card game**

The manufacturing thought it'd be cool to make a card game with cards of each state alchemist and create a game with it. Not surprisingly, Mustang and Edward fought once again, however it was less lethal.

"I play the Fullmetal alchemist! HA! You can't beat me!"

"I just played Scar, you just got killed Fullmetal."

"DAMN IT YOU BASTARD!"

**233. Go on a ride through the city**

Edward managed to get a hold of a motorcycle and learned how to use it quickly before challenging the Flame Alchemist to a race. Children were certainly excited to see them race past,

"CARD GAMES ON MOTORCYCLES!"

**234. Celebrate April Fool's Day**

When Furer Bradley announced that he was going to step down as Furer only to say 'April Fool's', Mustang was holed up in his office and refused to come out for 3 days.

"Sir, please stop sulking."

"No! I won't come out!"

"Sir…"

**235. Have a career day**

"Sure, I'll just go look for a job, wait- I'm already in the god damn military!"

Edward seemed to have found his career choice for awhile.

**I need sleep. I'm nearly falling over, -yawn- Night night!**


	27. 236 through 244

**I'm back people! =D It's now that I realize that there are less than 100 ways left for this story so that's about 9 or so chapters! =O I'm going to miss this story when it's over………….but let's not be sad now! **

**Also: add me on Facebook! I'm 'Torchic Fiction' on there! Feel free to talk to me by any means on there! I take suggestions from people and I just like to talk about anything so feel free to contact me on there or even on this website!**

**236. Explore the wonders of bubble wrap**

Well, Al didn't get damaged during shipping…

**237. Hold a singing competition**

Maria Ross did pretty well, but Falman ended up stealing the show to everyone's amazement.

**238. Make a nature documentary**

"And here, we see the Fullmetalcus Shrimpis in it's natural habitat…"

"WHO'RE CALLING A SHRIMP?"

"Ah, it has spotted us! When aggravated, the Fullmetalcus Shrimpis is extremely lethal and must be approached with caution."

"MUSTANG YOU BASTARD! GET BACK HERE!"

"We must return to our campsite before the deadly Shrimpis attacks us."

"AUGH!"

**239. Have a bring our son/daughter to work day**

The good news was that Hughes wasn't shoving pictures in peoples' faces all day.

The bad news was that he had his actual daughter in your face all day.

**240. Start up a business**

Edward was found out after advertisements started showing up in the national newspaper for the 'Elric Brothers' Repair Service'.

"You told me to be responsible! We even came up with a catchy slogan!"

"You're too young to own a business Fullmetal."

"I'm too young to be in the military also, but look how that stopped me! I'm a state alchemist!"

"………….you win this round Fullmetal."

**241. Have the Ultimate Showdown**

The battle lasted centuries, but Hoeinheim walked out alive in a bloodstained sweater…..

**242. Get into a war**

"Damn it! You sunk my battleship!"

"HA! I finally beat Breda in something! It's even military tactics!"

"Shut it Havoc."

**243. Prank a Teacher**

The fact Edward made it out alive was amazing in itself. Izumi was really holding back that day despite her temper after 'the incident'.

**244. Play 'King of the Hill'**

When they transmuted the hill in the middle of the courtyard, people couldn't help but join in the Elric Brothers' fun. However Furer Bradley won despite Colonel Mustang's best efforts.

"He's even in charge in the game! Will I ever get a break?"

**Damn it, I'm starting to run out of ideas -- Also, 238 is based off something my friend is doing this summer. Apparently she's going to try and stalk me for two weeks to do a nature documentary on gingers. Well, I'm getting paid with brownies so I don't really mind. XD**


	28. 245 through 253

**I'm back! =D So, I had my music awards ceremony tonight and I got two golds and a silver for my state's solo and ensemble competition, a bunch of stuff for a letterman jacket, and a certificate. Also, the medals are really shiny! =D**

**Also, if I made it 1000 ways to get kicked out of HQ, then things will be crazy. XDD**

**So, let's continue on!**

**245. Glue a quarter onto the ground **

It was amusing to see Greed attempt to get the quarter. He ended up smashing the cement, destroying the quarter in the process much to his dismay.

**246. Speak in Xingese all day**

Mustang could call Edward all sorts of height related names and not get slaughtered…….until Edward found a Xingese to Amestrian dictionary.

**247. Find out how many licks it takes to a tootsie pop**

Falman was one lick away when Havoc was attacking Breda in nothing but a loincloth and he lost count.

"Damn it…"

**248. Crawl around on the floor on hands and knees all day**

"Hughes, what are you doing?"

"Looking for my sanity Roy."

"Oh. Well, if you see mine then can you return it?"

**249. Hand out grades to officers**

The new recruits felt the return of high school when freshmen pranks returned and Edward came to HQ one day seeing a drunk private hanging from a flagpole.

**250. Go golfing**

"Golfing is for old retired people! I'm not old dammit!"

Roy didn't feel up to his vacation as he first had when he didn't know what it was for.

**251. Create a new game**

Dominoes, water balloons, tazers, and banjos were only a few of the required items for the game of 'War'.

**252. Write in invisible ink**

Edward found a new way to submit reports.

"Heheheheheh…."

**253. Find the Holy Grail**

"What is your name?"

"Edward Elric"

"What is your quest?"

"To find the philosopher's stone."

"What is your favorite color?"

"Red. Are we done yet?"

**I'm going to reach over 10 thousand hits for this month! =D**


	29. 254 through 262

**Hola everyone! So, Wisconsin is a mystery to me. It can get to -20 degrees Fahrenheit in the winter, and it's fricking 91 degrees Fahrenheit in May. My school was dying today and in my orchestra room there was so much humidity that the water from the air was condensing on the floor. _**

**And as a ginger, I had gym outside for 30 minutes in 91 degrees and I got a sunburn. FOR 30 MINUTES! I'm staying in my nice, dark, little cave of a room with air conditioning and my laptop with wifi and not coming out. -hiss-**

**254. Ponder what life would be like if random people got married**

"So if Pinako got married to Hoeinheim then Edward got married to Winry, Edward's mom would be Pinako. Winry is Pinako's granddaughter so Hoeinheim would be her grandfather and father-in-law. Winry's uncle would be Al, her Mother-in-law and grandmother would be Trisha. Winry's husband would be actually her uncle so Ed would be marrying his niece."

"That's just messed up."

"Well that's only the first pairing!"

**255. Make a tower out of household items**

Since Havoc ran out of cigarettes he decided to make a tower out of matches. However, he left for a moment and Mustang stepped in with shrubbery of paperwork and he snapped his approval.

"Now I'm out of cigarettes AND matches!"

**256. Hold an eating contest**

"Lust, can I eat the trophy?"

"No Gluttony, you already ate all of the food and one of the judges."

"Awwwww"

**257. Hold an anime convention**

"How the hell did I get so many crazy stalkers?" Ed was heard screaming as he was running by as a mob of teenage girls tried to kidnap him.

"Ah puberty."

"Sir. Stop it."

"Hehehe.."

**258. Reveal Royed to the world**

"MY EYES! Why would I be with that bastard of a colonel?"

"I am not a pedophile! Who the hell wrote this?"

"AND AUTOMAIL CAN'T DO THAT!'

**259. Play dress up**

"Hey Edward! You look really good in that white tux!"

"Thanks……that's a poofy dress…"

"It's a wedding dress stupid!"

"Hey brother, hey Winry………..is there anything you two should be telling me?"

"NO!"

**260. Make an epic team up**

No one was willing to even come near the duo of General Armstrong and Izumi in their Barbie jeep with two barbies sitting in the backseat.

**261. Join a super secret organization**

"Welcome to The ninja league of women awesomeness. State your name and profession."

"Winry Rockbell and I design automail."

"Well Winry, we have talked about it with the leaders and you've been accepted."

"Thank you Mrs. Curtis! I'll take care of Edward! Oh hi Ms. Riza!"

"Welcome Winry! Would you like some cookies?"

"Sure Ms. Riza!"

**262. Go to Therapy**

"Hi, I'm Edward Elric and I have minor anger problems."

"Hi Edward." The group chorused.

"Hi, I'm Roy Mustang and I'm a pyromaniac."

"Hi Roy."

"Hi, I'm Envy and I am a sadist, a murderer of a friend of someone in this room, I have an identity crisis, and I am gender confused."

"Hi Envy."

"Hey wait a minute…"

And the fun began ……………

**I plan on continuing more ways to fit the therapy thing. XD**


	30. 263 through 273

**Hi everyone! =D So, it's pizza hut for dinner again. =3 Also, this is my last full week of school! Two more weeks of fragmented school! =D Also: CHAPTER 108 COMES OUT JUNE 11TH****! ONE DAY AFTER MY BIRTHDAY! =D I'm turning 16! Heck yes! I plan on going with my friends to a 'Jump Zone' place and it's filled with giant inflatable stuff for children. XD They're going to get a bunch of high schoolers invading XDDDD I can't wait! =D**

**265. Find out what someone would do for a Klondike bar**

"Hey, I may have ended up in the asylum for a few months but I got my Klondike bar! HA!"

**266. Hold drag races**

Well, they got a hold of 50 go-karts and it was a slow day at HQ. However, there were over 30 casualties now in the hospital and the Furer was now considering holding an official race.

"Who knew Fullmetal would actually win…"

"TOLD YOU I COULD DRIVE BETTER!"

**267. Set up a Lemonade stand**

Havoc earned about a hundred sens for the day. He was just trying to get enough money to eat with since he lost the rest due to the last bet against the crew.

**268. Have a baseball game**

It was mostly chaos with the outfielders just cracking dead baby jokes and curses and insults flew through the air faster than the ball but all in good nature.

"Did we win?"

"No, we did. We had the most jokes."

"Damn it…."

**269. Be a delivery boy**

"YOU SENT ME ON A MISSION TO GET YOU A PIZZA?"

"Well Fullmetal, it was extremely important! I wouldn't have made it through the day without nourishment!"

"Fine you bastard…."

"Hey Fullmetal, for your next mission: can you get me a drink?"

Edward fulfilled his mission and Colonel Mustang now has a soda can sized bruise on his face.

**270. Go on a treasure hunt**

No one really knew what kind of treasure they were looking for, but if it got them out of work then let the search continue!

**271. Take Dance Lessons**

Mustang's secret finally got let out.

"The Colonel can river dance? Now this is something I have to see!"

"SHUT UP OR YOU'LL BE BURNT TO A CRISP!"

"Kilt boy is getting angry…."

"I DON'T WEAR A KILT!"

"At least we know where Havoc and Mustang go nearly every night…."

"Well, I do play a mean fiddle.."

"_Will you just shut up Havoc?"_

"Geez Colonel, aren't you proud to be the Lord of the Dance?"

"The lord of the what?"

"SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY!"

**272. Invent a new game**

Ninja tag was something no one could win however it was amusing as hell to watch people try and play.

**273. Reveal a secret**

The therapy session continued…

"Well Edward, you actually aren't the oldest brother….."

"WHAT? HOEINHEIM, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?"

"Well, Envy is actually your big brother."

"Hey shrimp!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Anything else to ruin my life you bastard of a father?"

"Well, I could reveal that Roy is actually your older brother as well… he's the second oldest…. I met his mom before Trisha and THEN I never loved again…."

"WHY THE HELL DO I HAVE ALL EITHER INSANE IMMORTAL BASTARDS, FATHERS WHO ABANDON THEIR FAMILY, OR HIGH RANKING POPMPOUS ASS BASTARDS AS FAMILY?"

"Wait a minute, I have a father? Papa HoHo, I've finally found fatherly love!"

"There there Roy my son."

"I, Edward Elric, now officially give up on life."

**I got bored with the last one so I spiced it up a little. XD And I could totally see Roy as Lord of the Dance. XDDDDDDD**


	31. 274 though 282

**Hey guys! Sorry for the late update! My laptop got infected with Malware on Saturday plus I had a sleepover that night and stayed at my friend's house till after 3 pm the next day. **

**So my entire computer was wiped so some of my fics that I was updating (such as 'Anguished Flames' and 'All is One, I am All') that I had worked on for the past week had been erased out of existence. =( And I had been so far in both too! **

**So, my birthday is in less than a week! =D YAY! Plus, the last day of school is on by b-day as well! =D DOUBLE YAY! Plus I've heard that chapter 108 comes out on June 11****th****, the day after my b-day! TRIPLE FREAK'N YAY!**

**So, enjoy this! **

**274. Play Tetris**

It was much more entertaining when played in real life with giant transmuted blocks

**275. Go on summer break**

"YEAH! NO WORK FOR THE ENTIRE SUMMER!"

"Fullmetal, work is year-round. School is out for summer."

"Damn it."

**276. Question your subordinate's sexuality **

Mustang was bored and had just watched HQ musical when he decided to annoy the hell out of Edward by questioning his preferences in song.

"And what should it matter to me, what you do in bed with guys…"

"COLONEL! THAT IS GROSS!"

**277. Look through a scrapbook**

It had started when Riza found an old scrapbook of Roy from his childhood and training days and brought it to the office to return it to him. However it did not reach it's owner, however it made it to his 'loyal' subordinates….

"Look at Mustang as a baby!"

"Is that Hawkeye in that picture?"

"Look! This must be when he first started fire alchemy! He's all blown up!"

"Hey, his eyebrows are missing!"

It immediately screeched to a stop when Mustang walked in.

**278. Draw a picture**

Edward relieved his hospital time boredom by drawing a crude and morbid picture of what he would do to the Colonel if he could actually kill the guy. Edward was asleep when Roy stopped by to check on the kid when he saw the picture, paled, and tried to keep the kid out on missions to relieve the kid of his anger on criminals instead of his superior.

**279. Discover the many ways you can use duct tape**

So far they had done: fixed Al's armor temporarily, did a quick fix on Ed's automail, captured Armstrong's sparkles for disposal, and effectively shut up the Colonel. They were going to continue with experimentation….

**280. Attempt to Fly**

Turns out alchemy could do anything and a lot of people could be harmed from a falling 'hero of the people'.

"You dropped like a rock Brother.."

"Shut up Al."

**281. Hire a mariachi band to follow you around**

It was an amusing august afternoon and led to everyone just partying….

**282. Take your pet frog into work**

Fuery forgot to mention the amphibian in his pocket and it eventually led to chaos and Fuery looking everywhere for his frog only to find it on Roy's head and the Colonel freaking out.

"Fuery! Get this damn slimy thing off of my head!"

"OKAY!"

"Why is the Colonel freaking out so much?"

"He is extremely freaked out by frogs.""Ohhhhh…heheheheh…"

Two weeks later had a Colonel screaming for his life with thousands of frogs chasing him with Edward laughing hysterically.

**Also, number 276 is based off of Avenue Q's 'If you were gay' song. XD**


	32. 283 through 291

**Guess what guys? I TURNED 16 TODAY! AND CHAPTER 108 IS FINALLY TRANSLATED! Now that's a birthday gift! XD **

**So, for my first update on this story as a 16 year old….here we go! =D**

**283. Celebrate a birthday**

Roy was feeling relatively good until he got to work, only to be bombarded with "Happy Birthday Old Man!"s, various other age related jokes, and a very unwelcome subordinate that was partially made of metal.

"So Colonel, going bald yet?"

"…"

"Any plans for retirement yet?"

"…"

"Maybe you won't be out all the time with women like Havoc and Breda say you do! You'll be too old!"

"…Fullmetal….shut the hell up."

"Come on old man! Lighten up! It's your birthday!"

Edward's antennae was dubbed the unofficial birthday candle after Roy snapped; figuratively and literally. Roy did get his wish though: for Fullmetal to shut up and go away.

**284. See how many people you can fit into a desk**

The answer was 3 and the startled Warrant Officer Falman witnessed it when he found the three in his desk.

"Do I even want to know how you all got in there?"

"We're _flexible_."

"Didn't need to know!"

**285. Create a makeshift hot air balloon**

In retaliation to his birthday, Mustang enlisted the help of his men (excluding Hawkeye) for one of them to distract Al while the others carried a sleeping Edward Elric and his bed outside where giant helium balloons were tied to the bedpost while Fullmetal was tied to the bed so he wouldn't fall off. Mustang smirked as he envisioned the blonde's face as the teen woke up to be floating above Amestris.

"Bon Voyage Fullmetal!" He called as the bed floated away.

He found out how Edward reacted when screaming and curses were heard for 30 miles around about an hour later.

**286. Go on a vacation**

Ed was happy when he and Al went to Xing and Ling offered to buy their meals for once. Then again, everything was free to Ling now…

**287. Visit the local animal shelter**

Edward got covered in meat juice after a mission and hundreds of stray dogs ended up following the alchemist. He finally had enough had led them to the shelter.

But that's when Al found all of the cats…..

**288. Go to a rock concert**

The crew had found pictures from when Roy and Riza were 16 and went to their first rock concert together since her father would not allow her to go alone. While everyone else had their lighters in the air, the picture showed Roy using his gloves in a similar manner with a flame.

**289. Become a spy**

"_The name's Mustang. Roy Mustang."_

"_Oh Roy, you're so suave and cool…."_

"_Riza, I'm glad you finally saw the real me…"_

"_Sir, I want you to always watch my back. You can defeat anything!"_

"_How can watch your back? You'll be too busy being on it."_

"_Oh sir, sir…..sir wake up_. _Wake up Roy_. WAKE UP"

"Huh?"

"Sir, you fell asleep again. You were beginning to drool on your paperwork."

"Sorry Riza….."

**290. Get the Funk**

After a long song and dance, they wanted the funk and wouldn't give up that funk.

**291. Teach an old dog new tricks**

"I ALREADY TOLD YOU FULLMETAL. I. AM. NOT. OLD!"

"Geez, so temperamental Colonel…"

**286 is a tad bit of a spoiler for 108.….. XD Also, 290 is based off the Glee version of 'Give up the Funk'. XD Please review! =D I will gladly accept reviews from you guys as gifts! =3**


	33. 292 through 300

**Hi! So, there should be about 3-4 chapters left after this one! =( This story is so random!**

**And now on with the show!**

**292. Give people theme songs**

Ran fan, Ling, and Old man Fu got 'Kung fu Fighting' and were met with a silent fist to the face and Ling laughing about it being true

**293. Come up with a random story**

"And then the llama jumped onto the moon rock while the orange reported where their coordinates were and:"

"Envy, exactly how much sugar have you had?"

"Enough for 7 heart attacks! I've counted how many times I've died already!"

2**94. Go on a bike ride**

It was a good exercise program for Roy, especially after he made another short joke and was pedaling as fast as he could from a murderous Fullmetal Alchemist on a bike with a chainsaw

**295. Go to the beach**

The crew delightfully enjoyed their day off however Havoc ended up with a burn. It wasn't sunburn however. He learned to watch where you're running when chasing after a Frisbee or you'll run into a scorching hot suit of armor.

"Ice, I need ice!"

**296. Open a Tattoo parlor**

Surprisingly, Scar was a great tattoo artist. His arm just advertised his work as he went around the country after the promised day.

**297. Try and treat a phobia**

It was a long term project to try and cure Breda's fear of dogs, however after weeks of trying, they only made it worse.

They still can't find him at least.

**298. Be a journalist for the day**

Hughes proved to be a welcome addition to the gossip column of the 'Central Times' with his ability to get dirt on anyone as well as take great pictures.

Roy quickly ended his fun due to what had gone out the first day of the man's journalism career.

**299. Learn a new instrument**

Breda's ukulele playing brought a calmer environment to the office as well as new fantasies for Mustang to think of about a certain lieutenant while trying to slack off. That certain lieutenant would end those quickly with another stack of paperwork and a threat of more papers and gunfire.

**300. Give a nickname to the workplace**

It took a lot of discussion but the men finally got their wishes and named their office. It was proven when Fullmetal walked in to a chaotic Monday morning before an HQ inspection.

"This is madness!"

"No Fullmetal: This is SPARTA!"

"….. Colonel, what exactly are you on?"

**Okay, I could help it for the last one XD We've finally reached the 300 mark! =O Only 33 more ways to go! Please review guys! =D Thanks!**


	34. 301 through 309

**Hi everyone! Looking at the reviews, I noticed the thing about the Sparta joke and it being 300. XD I hadn't noticed that when I put it up! XD It was a total coincidence! XDDD Also, I have a surprise for all of you, but it will not be revealed yet. XD**

**301. Go out for fast food**

It really was fast food. Gluttony had to chase them for at least 4 city blocks before he could finally eat them.

**302. Put on a dance recital**

Ed was the only one out of the Elric quartet plus Papa Hoh to not perform. He was the only one to object the wearing of the kilts due to the river dance recital.

**303. Go to therapy…..again**

Izumi was put as the councilor due to the old one being put into a mental ward.

The result?

Sadly, it is M-rated. But highly hilarious.

No one knew blood could splatter that much, but all of the men winced at Envy's pain.

**304. Attempt to take over the world**

Father was looking for new minions to help him with his plan and put people through a rigorous candidate process

"So, what makes you qualified to help me take over the world?"

"I am highly intelligent and my partner, well….. He's here to help me when need be."

"Hmmmm. I'm sorry, but I don't think I could fit 2 lab rats as my new minions. I'm sorry."

"NARF! So Brain, what are going to do tonight then?"

"The same thing we do every night Pinky, try and take over the world."

**305. Accidentally overdose on medication**

Edward was mellow for the rest of the day and Roy didn't mind. However, once he found out why, he had to drive a certain alchemist to the hospital.

"Hey Roy, the tree is smiling at me!"

"That's wonderful Edward."

"Hi Mr. Tree! Hey-hey hey Roy?"

"What is it Edward?"

"Did you know that turtles tell the funniest jokes?"

"…..note to self: no more medication for Edward…"

**306. Become a tour guide**

The Sparkle Line tours became a hit with visitors to Central, and for once no one was scared of Armstrong's over enthusiastic behavior. They just thought it was him doing his job.

**307. Relive your high school days**

Roy never imagined that once he had graduated from school, he'd have more homework than he ever had as a student.

**308. Become a model for the day**

Riza was picked by a fashion designer after one of his models became ill. The men certainly showed up to give her all of their support…as well as watch all of the other models.

**309. Put on a fireworks display**

Mustang shouldn't have tried to practice inside though. However, his grin while apologizing didn't really make it seem he was sorry at all. Especially after the paperwork in his office caught in the display.

"Sorry…heheheheh…."

**There you all go! =D**


	35. 310 through 318

**Hey guys. I'm so exhausted. Tuesday and Wednesday was tiring. I biked over 25 miles and walked over 10 miles. I have exercised for the summer, I'm staying indoors. **

**310. Figure out the meaning of 'All is One, One is All'**

When Izumi picked up her students from Yock island to see if they had figured out the meaning of the saying she told them 30 days earlier. They couldn't stop singing the 'Circle of Life' and when she first found them, they were standing on a giant rock holding up a baby fox.

Edward never really told anyone the REAL reason he had a fox bite on his arm, however Al and Izumi know better

**311. Toga Party**

Edward's toga wasn't put on tightly enough and he had ran out of boxers

He was ridiculed by the men and Riza plus all of the other women blushed every time he went by. Edward was not seen at an HQ for at least 6 months.

**312. Come up with nicknames**

There was a time the Furer was not good at giving second names to state alchemists.

"Hmmm, I think he should be the Pretty Flower alchemist."

"But your Excellency, he specialized in transmuted weaponry."

"Do you doubt me?"

"No your Excellency."

Eventually, he got someone else to do it for him unless he was bored and needed a laugh

**313. Put on a Play**

The military held it's annual play and this year it was 'Robin Hood'. Roy got the leading roll, however he was not fond of the green tights.

**314. Have a sleepover**

No one would have guessed that Breda slept in footy pajamas or that Roy still had a teddy bear named Wiggles, however neither would let their secrets get out, even if they had to kill all witnesses.

**315. Sing every word in the English language**

Father had a lot of time on his hands while his kids were out terrorizing the population. It only took him about 30 years of his long life, however he had to start over again when they updated the dictionary.

**316. Hijack the Batmobile**

What made it even more epic is that there was a switch to play his theme song and you could insert any name.

Edward had the time of his life, especially since he finally got his drivers license.

"HA Mustang! I can drive!"

"Yes, but that's grand theft auto."

"So, that just means I'll be in the next video game."

**317. Revert back to the 1960s cartoon style**

The random words that kept showing up after anyone sent a punch or something sudden happened, confused people for awhile however no one questioned it because they did not want to be written out of the show

**318. Go to the West**

Edward was furious when he arrived in the Western part of Amestris due to the fact that there were not cowboys everywhere and it was not an old west theme. Especially since he was stuck dressed as a cowboy due to Breda and Havoc's advice.

However, the people in the west did teach him ways to tie knots so idiots couldn't get away while he used their torture techniques on them.

Breda and Havoc ended up regretting giving him their advice

**If you noticed, there was a two word change about this story, tell me if you can spot it…. XD**


	36. 319 through 327

**Sup guys! Please keep the reviews coming1 =3 If you want me to reveal the surprise from me, then review! I swear it'll make you all very happy**

**319. Drink Kool-aide**

Mustang was horrified and panicking when Edward drank the red water in the lab while doing an inspection, but was ready to kill the shrimp after the alchemist faked it and was actually drinking Kool-aide that he requested the staff bring him in a beaker.

**320. Grow a mullet**

People at HQ thought Major Armstrong was scary before, but the Major's hair extensions only increased their terror and his sparkly-ness

**321. Live a nightmare**

Roy's pride was shattered when in the battle against father, he was unable to do anything and handed his gloves over to Riza.

"Can you fight?"

"Yes."

The only thing he didn't know was that Riza actually was a master at fire alchemy because her father had taught her as a child and he was put to shame while she kicked father's ass while everyone else was amazed.

Then he woke up

"Worst nightmare ever! …..But she was still sexy…."

"Get back to work sir."

**322. Do something stupid….well…..something that already wasn't on this list**

Too many things to insert here, but one that could qualify would be when Ed was mellow and went to the tattoo parlor and came out sporting an ouroborus tattoo…

He ended up regretting his mellowness after he was detained and proved that he went to the tattoo parlor and wasn't a homunculus

**323. Play pat-a-cake**

It was Edward's revenge after Mustang ruined his day.

Mustang vowed never to trust Edward again, even if it did look like he was drunk or high after he had to get a new uniform and wait until the pink dye came out of his hair since Edward changed it so he couldn't change it back till it faded

**324. Hide**

Havoc was fine with dating girls but when he dated a psycho one and broke up with her, she wouldn't leave him alone and he had to flee for over a year trying to get rid of his psychotic stalker

**325. Find out a secret**

Falman looked downright depressed when his hairy secret got out to the rest of his office. He left with his soaked wig in hand while his shiny bald head gleamed in the light before he put on his hat and left while everyone else (except Hawkeye) was stifling their laughter and amazement

**326. Open a zoo**

"For the last time: Fuery and Alphonse, you need to stop bringing in stray animals!"

This happened after they found a bear in the basement of HQ that Al and Fuery had found as a cub and had raised.

The officer that found it had to get a change of pants and head over to the military psychiatrist

**327. Open a dating service for military officers**

The plan failed, as Colonel Mustang and Lieutenant Hawkeye were still not together to the great disappointment of the rest of their team.

**We're hitting the 333 mark next chapter! =D Pay attention for small details in the next chapter! =3D I accidentally changed it too soon yesterday and some people saw what I was going to do: if you did see it, then keep it a surprise! Everyone else will find out next chapter! **

**Please review! =D**


	37. 328 through 333

**It's the last chapter! =D Well, maybe not. XD The surprise is: I am making more ways to get kicked out of HQ! =D**

**I will finish this list though! I'll keep updating on this story, however it will now be '333 and More Ways to Get Kicked Out of HQ'. I hope this makes you blood thirsty readers happy. XD**

**328. Fill a rubber chicken up with vodka and take sips whenever a higher ranked officer is looking… then ask if they want some chicken juice**

Over half of HQ was drunk before the news reached the Furer, however no one got in trouble… the Furer just wanted a swig.

**329. Wear a hula skirt and a coconut bra and petition for a company trip to Hawaii**

Armstrong only had to wear it in the courtyard of HQ for 10 minutes before a yearly trip was now company policy.

**330. Insist that you are from Pluto and protest that your homeland should still be treated as a planet. Do so by running around naked with a sign saying "Pluto Forever!"**

Edward was devastated and pissed off when Pluto became a 'dwarf planet' and came up with the idea while screaming that things like he and Pluto should stick together.

**331. Ask Edward if the reason he's called the 'Fullmetal Alchemist' is in his pants, and make it creepy by doing a little eyebrow wiggle**

….

**332. Put up a sign behind Mustang's desk proclaiming "Save a horse, ride a Mustang"**

Mustang wasn't as pissed as the person who put the sign there had thought he would. He actually used it as a pick up line multiple times and became his social policy when trying to find more girls.

**333. Make a list of 333 things to do to get kicked out of HQ while neglecting ALL of your paperwork**

"What the hell were the people who made this list on when they made this?"

"How should I know?"

"Yeah, we could totally come up with more than 333 ways to get kicked out of this place!"

**And the saga continues…..**


	38. 334 through 342

**Hey guys! I'm glad you guys are so happy that I'm continuing this and I'm extremely happy that for chapter 37, I got 38 reviews! =D That's 3 pages of reviews just for one chapter! Thank you so much guys! =D BTW, I would like to say thanks to my friend, Rose, for writing most of the list from last chapter. I was at my birthday party at a resort and she wanted to write some when I asked for help. Number 333, I had planned since near the beginning of the fic. XD**

**Also, I put up 2 new short stories that I'd like you all to read! The first one is called 'Epic Counterpoints of Win' and it's a mystery complete with guys in suits, Ed disappearing and Mustang having a guitar solo. Yeah, it's musically inclined but I want you guys to read it!**

**The second story is called 'Gate of Promises' and it's more of an angsty fic. (I don't write just crack you know =P ) There's a character death at the end, but I needed to write some angsty stuff to counterbalance the crack I write here! **

**Well, I'm done with my self advertising! XD**

**Now I shall continue!**

**334. Shatter the 4****th**** wall**

Fullmetal completely demolished the first three walls but he shattered the fourth….

In Mustang's office.

He had to fix it all or be torched by his superior.

**335. Go blind**

There was a real reason why Roy lost his sight after he went to the gate. No one knew that the Truth was a total perv and accidentally showed Roy his porn closet instead of the gate. He got it right the second time though.

Roy thought it was a bittersweet toll

**336. Catch a disease**

HQ was quarantined after Colonel Mustang first caught the now known and highly contagious disease. It spread like wildfire and Major Elric was glad to be out of the city when it struck. There was only one person who was neither negatively affected or panicking.

Major Armstrong.

The disease of the 'Sparklies' did not wear off for about a month and HQ was filled with them long after. It was also said that people were sent to the hospital for choking on the evil pink sparklies of doom.

**337. Make a sand sculpture**

It was to Ed's great amusement when Mustang's crew went to the beach and dragged the two brothers with, that he was creative enough to make sculptures of sand and christen it with Al's head.

It was to Al's amusement when he got revenge with Mustang's help that Ed got pinned to a wall with newly formed glass that Ed couldn't get to break.

**338. Create a Symphony Orchestra**

Using his talents passed down from the Armstrong Family for generations, Major Armstrong conducted the large orchestra filled with members who didn't originally wish to play.

Roy was unusually please with his violin, Riza played in horns, Al was on percussion of obvious reasons, and Ed….well…..

"THIS IS NOT FUNNY!"

He got the piccolo

**339. Win a trip to Fiji**

Hoeinheim never really said if he was researching the entire time he had disappeared…..

**340. Sleep in**

Roy had accidentally slept in until 1 pm…on a Tuesday.

The consequences from Hawkeye were not known until the shrieks of the normally cool and collected Colonel Mustang were heard throughout the base.

The rest of the day, Riza was slightly smirking while working on her paperwork while Roy furiously worked on his with a pained expression on his pale face.

**341. Discover a journal**

Edward refused to come to HQ after he accidentally left his personal journal on Mustang's desk instead of his alchemic one that held his report.

However, Mustang never passed up the chance at possible blackmail material and eventually got to the teen and left the confrontation with a busted lip and black eye.

**342. Make a movie**

Edward originally went to England to try out for the role of 'Harry Potter' in 'Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone', however he did not receive the role.

However, he did end up with his own movie and 2 TV series and still holds a grudge against Daniel Radcliff and his main role in over 7 movies.

**Eh, I was watching the first Harry Potter movie when writing this set and the last one jumped into my head XD**


	39. 343 through 351

**Hey everyone! =D So, I applied for my first job a couple days ago! =D Wish me luck!**

**343. Riot against an unsuspecting person**

Roy Mustang was walking to Central HQ one morning, stroking his new moustache, when suddenly, he heard rumbling. He turned around and paled. There were thousands of teenage girls dressed as cows with glasses storming towards him with razors and shavers.

One hour later, said Roy Mustang found himself with a hairless upper lip and an understanding of why the term Bovinaphobia existed.

**344. Blow things up for the hell of it**

Edward's defense was that he was simply testing out different myths about things blowing up.

Roy's argument, was that he was just doing it to blow up various objects and offered his services.

Both later found themselves mourning over the loss of their eyebrows and parts of their hair for the sake of science. It was equivalent exchange after all…

**345. Join the Circus**

After much prodding and multiple sessions of therapy, Breda finally admitted why he was afraid of dogs.

He once ran away from home when he was young and joined a circus for about…a week at most. There was a dog act, containing 50 dogs and two clowns. When the act went wrong, and Breda held the meat for the lions, there was consequences.

He immediately went home and was scared of dogs since.

**346. Start an exercise program**

Havoc was thinking he was a bit flabby and was decided to go to gym however he did not want to go alone. Everyone else was busy except for Hawkeye. However, he would regret asking her later.

"Hey Hawkeye, wanna go to the gym with me? It looks like you need it like I do."

"…Havoc, are you saying that I'm overweight?"

"No, no no! I'm not saying that! I'm just saying that you don't look like you used to!"

-click-

"Now you're saying I'm old?"

"No! What I meant was… damn it…"

**347. Hijack a soda truck**

They didn't get that far, but it was amusing while it lasted.

**348. Play Paintball**

The results of the Fullmetal and Flame alchemists trying to paint the Colonel's office?

The only thing not covered in paint was the walls.

**349. Start a chatroom**

And the insanity from the office was brought into the world of the internet…

**350. Have a 'Pancake Day'**

It was a big hit, and no one knew that Falman would go nuts after having the maple syrup. They found him a few hours later of the roof, covered in syrup and no recollection of what happened in the past couple hours.

**351. Go to the library**

The Elric Brothers visited so often that a section of the library was named after them and there was a spare room for them, or rather Edward, to sleep in overnight since the librarians knew they couldn't pull him out when he started reading.

**Well, I'm having a harder and harder time coming up with these. _**


	40. 352 through 360

**Hi guys! So I didn't get the job I applied for but I'm completely fine if I'm jobless cause then I can enjoy my summer VACATION. Geez, my parents don't understand the word 'vacation' and insist that I do something. But technically I'm updating for all of you… XD**

**Also, tomorrow is the one year anniversary of my first fic posted on fanfic . net! 'Falling into Myself' was first published on July 22nd****, 2009 and in order to celebrate, I shall update like mad and hopefully have an update of 'All is One, I am All' tomorrow! **

**Thanks for all of the support for the past year and I hope year two goes just as great!**

**352. Have yearly assessment**

"So, are you ready Fullmetal?"

"Yes Furer Bradley."

"Then…RELEASE…..THE KRACKEN!"

"THE WHAT?"

**353. Form a superhero team**

After a long fight between Edward and Roy, Roy ended up getting to coveted spot of Red Ranger. Edward settled for the Black Ranger and Roy nearly died when he suggested Riza could be the Pink Ranger.

**354. Build a tree house**

To say that the Elric tree house was extravagant was an understatement. The tree house had to be located in the forest near where their old house was and was held up by four trees, was two stories, and had running plumbing.

**355. Roleplay**

After a few weeks of this, a majority of people in HQ had identity issues, including Fuery. They ended up strapping him to a chair and undid the brainwashing to try and get the officer back to normal.

**356. Go to an Amusement Park**

Alphonse had to hold back his older brother from slaughtering the staff due to the fact that Edward did not meet the height requirement for any of the big rides. Mustang prodding him even more, did not help at all.

**357. Go to the Movies**

The crew got kicked out due to Falman explaining everything in the movie and wouldn't shut up. When he spoiled it, the movie audience finally got pissed enough and had the whole group kicked out.

**358. Go camping**

After the chaos of the office, they thought the crew could go on vacation to bring down some of the insanity. However, it was the same old insanity in the great outdoors.

**359. Become an Author**

When Edward decided that he would publish stories about himself on a site online that was full of other stories about him as well in one section. When he posted it, he got reviews, however he ended up smashing the computer in anger after being told he wasn't actually Edward Elric and saw all of the short jokes that plagued the other stories.

**360. Become Furer**

Roy was delighted when he finally reached the rank of Furer and finally got Riza for his own…until he woke up to a stack of paperwork in front of his face and a glare from his Lieutenant.

**Lol, Edward on Fan fic dot net. XD**


	41. 361 through 369

**Sup? **

**So I didn't get the update on 'All is One' like I wanted. I had massive storms on the 22****nd**** then I had a mega sleepover (about a total of 8 people) on the night of the 23****rd****, and have been busy since then.**

**BTW: My house ended up having a very large moat after the storms. Now we have a large lake. =3**

**361. Play Marco Polo**

Marco Polo had never been so interesting. Especially with people shouting random things instead of 'Polo' and when Roy 'accidentally' groped Riza there was a major slap and a white handprint on Roy's sun burned face.

**362. Play 'Hide and go Seek' in the dark**

Alchemy was forbidden but Edward still ended up winning. Roy was it and his team decided to help Ed out with beating the Colonel for once. He hid out in the open and when Mustang found the other team members, Al, and Winry then they would hang out right next to him.

Roy ended up giving up after 45 minutes and Edward bragged for a week.

**363. Go swimming**

They quickly found out that Roy just disliked water, and it was not a phobia. However, they only learned that after Mustang dragged them under the water in a dunk after they tackled him in.

**364. Stay up all night**

When Winry visited Central, it was like old times as she and the brothers swapped stories till dawn. The only problem was that Edward had to go to HQ at 7 am since the Colonel requested him and he had an even shorter fuse than usual.

**365. Have a Birthday party**

It was all good until the 's' word slipped out and that soon resulted in a piece of cake smashed in the offender's face.

**366. Have a sing along**

When Havoc had a song stuck in his head that was pretty well known, he sang it to himself quietly as he worked. Soon, more people started to join in and it resulted in Colonel Roy Mustang coming out of his office to his subordinates, excluding Riza who was merely humming, bellowing out in song.

"Are you guys still in the 'HQ Musical thing?"

**367. Expose your fetish**

Roy and Havoc were staring down Solaris, AKA Lust, and things went from there.

"I LOVE big boobs!" Havoc said while weeping while Roy groaned before thinking.

"Well," He said, "I like…..big butts and I cannot lie! You other brothers can't deny! When a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a ROUND thing in your face, you get STONED!"

"…"

"…"

Mustang never ended up finishing his song.

**368. Return to therapy after escaping it for months**

The 4 Elric siblings and their father ended up at the therapy office yet again after Hoeinheim ended up with a busted lip, Roy was blind, Envy had died multiple times, Alphonse was out of his armor, and Ed was grinning like mad.

No one really knew what happened, but the therapist ended up in the hospital afterwards and all Elrics were grinning.

**369. Get a moat**

Edward Elric thought that Central HQ needed more protection, however everyone else told him it was fine.

The next day, HQ had a new moat that was very wide, however, Edward forgot about a drawbridge.

**It is now that I realize that this entire fic is basically either: A. Real life experiences form me, B. Inside jokes between me and my friends, C. Pop Culture References.**


	42. 370 through 378

**Hey guys! I'm dedicating this one to iFlygon who is a freshman who is near and dear to my heart. So, he should be able to figure out where his tribute is in this chapter although I'll be yelled at later for it by him. ;) Love ya my little freshy! **

**Note: I've noticed that I'm getting a little more inappropriate…well this is what my friends and I end up joking about. -_- I'll most likely tone it down after this chapter.**

**370. Give a coworker a nickname**

Edward was irritated at the Colonel for ignoring him and thought up the nickname when thinking of his reputation with women. The Colonel was shocked that Edward even knew what the word even meant.

"Hello Bondage King."

"…WHAT?"

"See you later Colonel Bondage." Edward said as he walked past him in the hallway.

'That brat is going to pay'

**371. Retaliate against a nickname by giving the first person a nickname as well**

"Hello Fullmetal."

"…what are you plotting?"

"Hmmm, Fullmetal. I haven't noticed till now: You have an odd affinity to leather."

"…_fkhkgtf?"_

"See you later Leather boy."

**372. Spy on your enemies**

Envy walked into the hideout shaking his head and muttering and Lust looked at him.

"What's wrong with you?"

"I did not want to know how much Mustang liked bondage…"

**373. Make new friends**

Edward found himself at a college in the east for one of his leads and the women there cooed over how cute he was.

Alphonse ended up dragging out his brother who was red faced and dazed.

**374. Meet friends of your friends**

After Ed's mission to the college, Havoc practically begged him to take him there.

Sadly, the Lieutenant was unable to go and he sulked for about a week.

**375. Clean up**

They had to clean up the office and Roy insisted that the paperwork littering his office needed to be cleaned out right into the garbage. However, Riza had him clean out the paper by having him sign each and every one.

**376. Go to a disco**

No one really knew that Hoeinheim was so funky fresh

**377. Have a pajama day at work**

Much to the disappointment of a lot of the secretaries, men still had to wear shirts and specifically pants, but Roy smirked a whole lot that day.

**378. Celebrate another year of work**

After much talking, the military made an unofficial yearbook. It actually sold a lot of copies and many were passed around and signed.


	43. 379 through 387

**Hey guys! I'm sorry I haven't updated in awhile, but I was camping from Thursday through Sunday and yesterday I was exhausted. **

**So, I'm here to tell you of my camping adventures through this set! I hope you enjoy!**

**379. Take a work trip**

After much stress in the office, the team under Colonel Mustang along with Hughes plus the Elric Brothers and one Winry Rockbell decided to go camping. However, things didn't really go as planned.

**380. Enjoy your vacation**

The first night camping had Mustang's team and Hughes sitting around the campfire. When Edward, Alphonse, and Winry finally came back to camp, they found empty bottle and shot glasses raised in the air.

"Think I can swipe Hughes's camera and get this for blackmail?"

"I don't think so brother. Mr. Hughes may get violent, especially since we don't know what kind of drunk he is."

**381. Go on a joy ride**

The campgrounds that they were staying at had golf carts that people could rent to get around.

One morning Roy was walking to go take a shower when a golf cart sped past filled to the brim with his subordinates, excluding Riza who was tending to the fire, and the Fullmetal Alchemist behind the wheel and he heard yells of surprise from other parts of the campgrounds.

He merely blinked and continued on his way to the showers pretending that he hadn't seen anything at all.

**382. Take a ride in an unusual vehicle**

The campgrounds also boasted a large shopping cart that had been constructed with lots of metal, an empty keg, four giant tires, and a car engine.

When a dazed Edward saw it speed past his campsite with Alphonse and Winry screaming happily as the driver gunned it, he rubbed his eyes and headed back into his tent to fall back asleep and hope that it was a dream.

**383. Play in a pond**

The pond at the campgrounds had a large pond which was about 20 ft deep and had multiple inflatable items on the surface such as a 20 ft tall inflatable slide.

Some arguing and insults combined with 5 minutes and a short swim later, Riza and Alphonse sighed as Roy and Edward slid down the slide after pushing each other down and proceeded to dare each other to jump off the side.

**384. Watch something amazing**

When Black Hayate literally ran over the campfire, Riza was ready to shoot Havoc for antagonizing and hurting the dog only to find that the dog was not injured at all in Roy's arms and was wagging his tail happily while licking the Colonel's face.

**385. Make smores**

The sticky mess was everywhere until Riza and Winry ordered the men and the dog to go clean up in the pond while Alphonse watched as he stifled his laughter.

**386. Make delightful memories**

When Edward and Winry finally managed to get Riza to go down the slide on the pond, Hughes was taking pictures of it all while Roy and the other men sat on the sand in beach chairs.

It was only when Maes developed the film and sent it to Roy that they saw that Riza's top had slid down to her waist when the 3 had slid down the slide on their stomachs.

When Riza found the men gawking over the picture she snatched it , shot a few rounds, and ordered them to clean up the blood from their nosebleeds. Thankfully, it only showed the side of her breast and not the whole thing, but the men in Colonel Mustang's squad would never forget that moment in their lives.

**387. Wrestle**

When the campgrounds announced that there was going to be pudding wrestling, Roy would not stop begging Riza to wrestle and she finally had enough of it.

As it turned out, Edward was bugging Winry about the pudding wrestling as well saying that she could probably kick anyone's ass.

The two decided to wrestle each other to get the boys to get off their backs and what happened in that pudding wrestling ring went far beyond any of the mens' fantasies.

**Yeah, camping was crazy. XD**


	44. 388 through 396

**Hi again guys! I'm sorry I'm not updating this as much as I should! I've been running out of inspiration but that should go away when school starts on September 1****st****. That place is so full of random shit, I can get inspiration more than once everyday. XD**

**Also: This is dedicated to Selim Homunculus on Facebook! =D This Homunculus filled chapter is dedicated to YOU! Mostly because even the homunculi deserve a little love. Note, most of these are 1****st**** anime homunculi unless stated.**

**388. Try out a video game**

When Envy introduced the game of pacman to the group, it gave something for Lust and him to do. They'd round up humans, put them in a maze, release gluttony and throw in treats every once in awhile.

**389. Meet new people**

When Dante and Father met, it made one of the most weird and awkward families ever created. Especially when Father became a shemale after he devoured god.

**390. Play a prank**

When Father joined Dante, he brought some of his 'children' with him including Pride and Sloth. Dante's Wrath and Father's Pride decided to have fun when Lust was taking a nap.

One hour later found Pride and Wrath running for their lives, giggling like school kids, and Lust chasing after them angrily while sporting a new afro.

**391. Create a new look**

After Dante saw a popular team and their uniforms, she reconsidered the black and red.

"Why the hell is Dante Sailor Moon?"

"Well Envy, she is in charge." Lust replied, enjoying her Sailor Mars outfit. Envy however was fuming at the fact he was Sailor Venus. Pride was Sailor Mercury, Wrath was Chibi Moon, Sloth was Sailor Jupiter, Gluttony was Sailor Uranus, and Greed was Sailor Pluto. Father stepped in to help and was Sailor Pluto whenever he showed up.

**392. Throw a party**

When Envy's 452nd birthday was Hawaiian themed, he was pissed at the underlying joke.

**393. Get a new roommate**

Gluttony ended up with his own room, after he eat 500 pounds of refried beans.

**394. Try dating**

Lust decided she was getting bored just hanging around and decided to try dating.

13 dates and 13 injured or dead dates later, 'Solaris' was dubbed as the Black Widow of Central and she was damn proud of it.

**395. Have a comfort day at work**

Bradley was a little TOO prideful as he only wore boxers to work one day and that was only after his secretaries persuaded him to put them on after he first came in.

**396. Get a pet**

Wrath was happy with his bunny….until Gluttony decided to have a snack.

**=3 I crack up every time I think of the homunculi in Sailor Moon stuff.**


	45. 397 through 405

**Hi! I've sorta been unable to update this in awhile, and I've been extremely tired lately with the start of school especially my gym class: lifeguard training. SO TIRED -falls off chair asleep-**

**I got some of these from random role-playing on **

**Also, YAY FOR GETTING OVER 400 WAYS TO GET KICKED OUT OF HQ**

**397. Play a prank**

When Roy was ambushed by a crazed looking Havoc with a gun and shot at, it took a moment to notice he wasn't in pain.

5 minutes later found Jean running with a paintball gun with flames licking his heels as a frantically snapping colonel angrily stormed after him sporting different colors of paint on his uniform.

**398. Create a club**

The 'All men are idiots in some sort of way' or the 'AMI' was a popular group for female officers and were now nationwide. General Armstrong from Briggs and Lieutenant Hawkeye from Central were two leaders in their regions.

**399. Remodel**

"Sir, you do know that you have to put everything back to the way it was. This is a government building."

"But Rizaaaaa!"

"Hey boss, hey lieuten- … is that a stripper pole."

"Yes Jean, it is. And it will soon be gone if the Colonel wishes to actually live to see the day he becomes Furer."

**400. Be Lucky**

Jean was overjoyed when he got, not one, but TWO girlfriends at the time. Better yet, they both knew of the other and were fine with sharing Jean. Bets were soon made to see how long it would last, and so far it had been 2 months.

**401. Advertise**

Back when Roy was in charge of Eastern HQ, there were posters commonly seen hanging around the base holding disclaimers. Such disclaimers included: injuries from height jokes to the Fullmetal alchemist is not liable to the base, explosions and chaos is the norm, and insanity is a common side affect from long time hours.

**402. Have a food of the month**

Due to high demand, pasta was the food of the month in September since the soldiers were sick of mystery meat.

"YAY! PAAAASSTA!"

**403. Bribe others**

After Roy figured out each of his men's (excluding Riza) loves and wants, he now lounged after about 15 pages of paperwork for the day while his men had giant stacks of newly delivered paperwork straight from their superior officer's desk.

**404. Create a super powerful army**

Barry the Chopper got reinforcements when thousands of penguins stormed Central wearing top hats and bearing machine guns. No one even knew what to say, and Barry soon overtook the city… THE END.

"You really got bored while guarding Lab 5, weren't you Barry?"

"That would be correct!"

**405. Watch a new show**

After watching a new show based on different countries, Mustang referred to himself as 'Amestris' while Ling joined in and declared himself as 'Xing'. It took weeks of persuading to remind them that they weren't actually countries.

**Whoever gets the references of 402 and 405 gets hugs from me! =D =D**


	46. 406 through 414

**Hi guys! I've been SO busy with school. I was there every day for the past 3 weeks or so. Yes, even weekends _**

**406. Enjoy the changing of the seasons**

As the leaves began to flutter the ground, Riza began having to actually shooting through nearby walls in order to get the men back to work. However, when she went on an errand, she returned to find the office empty and looked out the window to see her group of boys, now united with the Elric brothers, messing around in leaf piles.

CLICK

"Time to go wrangle them up."

**407. Test your Intelligence**

To prove some sort of point of how he's so smart, Edward solved a rubix cube in about a minute and a half.

Havoc asked if he could try and was handed a scrambled cube. He finished his in about 45 seconds. How he did you may ask?

"You don't need to be a genius to figure out that you can just take off and rearrange the stickers…"

**408. Have a party**

After Edward got drunk, things got chaotic what with the flying beams, blasting music, and occasional verbal explosion followed by an actual explosion. It was then agreed upon that the Fullmetal alchemist never get alcohol again. Especially if he was going to start using drunk alchemy.

**409. Carve a Pumpkin**

It was something that Al found out from Creta when Ed told about his time in the west. Noting that the time was right for it, he persuaded everyone in the office to participate. The various gourds sitting in front of the office confused people at first glance….until they saw whose office it was.

**410. Become a rock star**

Surprisingly, Roy learned how to play guitar as a kid and was caught jamming out at home by his subordinates. A week, a new band, and a set list later, he found himself getting even more girls drooling over him and another reason for Edward and Riza to scowl at him not doing his job.

**411. Practice Impressions**

Apparently, impressions were another trait passed down through the Armstrong generations…_how surprising…._

**412. Show up late to work**

Breda came in one day late with a huge bruise adorning his forehead due to sleeping in, the alarm suddenly blaring, him freaking out and the clock hitting the head. That only led to him falling face first into hardwood floors and the clock landing on the back of his head. He soon had an ice hat which he was taunt about for months.

**413. Pick up dates**

It was Havoc's mistake when he went out with Mustang to a bar for drinks. There, Roy shamelessly flirted with every female he saw and Jean crashed and burned.

"Why the hell are you flirting with all of them!"

"Well Jean, there is a simple answer. I gotta catch'em all!"

**414. Sleepwalk**

When Edward strode into the office, clad in pajamas, the office was stunned. He managed to give a report and multiple of the usual insults to Roy, pick up his next assignment, and walk out of the room while still completely asleep.

"That kid really is special."

"In more ways then one."

**I sadly welcome back a midnight update. -_- SO TIRED! I WAS FIGHTING OFF MY EYELIDS ON THIS ONE PEOPLE!**


	47. 415 through 423

**Back again! XD I plan on making a separate crack fic (only for the month of this October) for Halloween and I hope to put that up either tomorrow or sometime this week! XD**

**415. Have fun**

Apparently, guards switching shifts in the Central prison witnessed something amazing: Kimblee leading a band and singing to jailhouse rock while the entire block of prisoners joined in for the hell of it. However, when asked, Kimblee replied that he did not know what they were talking about

**416. Travel dimensions**

When Edward found out his true creator was actually an epic cow of awesomeness; he somehow got into Japan to complain that she was the reason why he was so short and everyone kept trying to get him to drink milk. However, he came back with a smile and 2 inches added to his height.

**417. Stare blankly at someone**

Roy had nothing better to do at lunch and scared the hell out of newer soldiers and quietly enjoyed his fun until Hawkeye hit him upside the head and reminded to eat before he had to work more.

**418. Go in a corn maze**

It eventually ended up being burn down when Roy finally had enough and burnt the place down…..however everyone did enjoy the ears of corn and popcorn despite the maze being destroyed.

**419. Get married**

Falman surprised everyone when he got engaged, then married to a girl in Central that Havoc used to date. Soon, a mini Falman was accompanying her father to work.

**420. Become an author**

Edward decided to give story writing a try one day and he got a good amount of readers. However, he soon learned that readers could be bloodthirsty for updates on chapters or stories and soon learned that late nights writing chapters would soon become a common thing while still trying to get some sleep for the life that he had other than that. He enjoyed every moment of it all though.

**421. Control electricity**

It didn't turn out well when Roy, Armstrong, Hughes, and Ed came back into the office, fried from a recent experiment and figuratively and literally shocked.

**422. Boo someone**

With the Mustang office starting it, the boo-ing soon became popular and led to great fun around Central command.

**423. Finally earn your driver's license**

"TAKE THAT WORLD! EDWARD ELRIC IS OFFICIALLY ON THE ROAD!"

"We're all doomed from the shrimp known as Fullmetal…"

"SHUT UP COLONEL!"

**Yes, 420 pertains to me as I'm writing this at 11:44 pm while being extremely exhausted. Also, I am taking my drivers test on Wednesday! =D YAY! BTW: If you are an artist and are willing to help me out with a project I have planned, please contact me in any way shape of form and I'll give you some details. I'd greatly appreciate it! =D**


	48. 424 through 432

**Hi! =D I just updated my other story, 'Epic Counterpoints of Win', tonight and I'm proud of myself! XD I just love writing mysteries. XD**

**424. Work up a stir so much that you get something named after you**

After Edward and Al showed up at a restaurant with Mustang and the rest of his team, Ed had a fit at a height jab. His explosion was so loud and destructive, that he had a meal named after him. The 'Who're you calling a shrimp' basket.

**425. Play some big band music**

It was an entertaining night at the military ball as our familiar team of people we all know and love joined together with their awesome musical skills to create a one night bandstand. Edward was surprised at how Mustang, his team, Hughes, and Armstrong could pull it off in less than a week but was proud to say he helped by playing drums.

**426. Do a report**

"Shit Al! I forgot that Mustang wanted me to bring something from the mission to report with!"

"Be creative and come up with something then brother!"

-10 minutes later-

"Well Fullmetal, what'd you bring back from your mission."

"A cup of dirt."

"Well, explain it."

"It's a cup, with dirt in it. I call it 'cup of dirt'. Can I just go home now?"

**427. Play a prank**

When Falman's wife found him completely wasted from a party up at Briggs, she grabbed a friend and they ended up dragging him to a tattoo parlor. When he awoke, he found that his butt hurt like hell and Pedobear would forever would be adorned on his ass.

**428. Defy the system**

When the giraffes and zebras were grazing on the front lawn, gorillas were causing chaos in the gym, a stampede of buffalo were running rampant in the hallways, and lions were feasting in the cafeteria, that's when the Furer seriously considered whether it was a smart idea to have the military party as a zoo theme when so many of his officers were currently drunk and unpredictable.

**429. Find out something you did not want to know**

On the promised day when Roy Mustang returned from the gate into father's lair, they were all surprised that he had forced to use human transmutation.

However, it wasn't his eyesight that was taken…

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

"Colonel, what did they take as the toll!"

"…..my manhood….."

"….."

-meanwhile at the gate-

"Heheh, now I can pee while standing up!"

**430. Dance your heart out**

Both Edward and Roy agreed that their usual squabbling was getting old so they decided to mix it up a bit.

Now they argued while dancing to the Caipirinha

**431. Change emotions of a scene**

While Scar was chasing Edward through the streets of central city, the editors of the series accidentally put in the wrong music file. Due to one song, it made the whole scene from frightening and dramatic to completely humorous and hilarious.

"Okay, who put the Benny Hill theme in instead of the actual chase music?"

**432. Imitate a hero**

When Ed was navigating through lab 5, dodging booby traps, and running from the large stone sphere rolling after him, he only had one thing on his mind.

The Indiana Jones theme song.

**Thanks to all of the artists who volunteered to help me! Hope you all enjoyed this chapter! XD**


	49. 433 through 441

**Hey everyone! So, Halloween is over and I'm now scouring my local radio stations because I just KNOW that there's Christmas songs lurking somewhere and as soon as I find a station, then 'Christmas Carols with the FMA Cast' shall be pulled out from the seasonal plot bunny closet and I'll get working on them more. XD**

**433. Scare the hell out of people**

Envy decided that all human things weren't bad, as for example, Halloween. He'd change shape and become something terrifying, scare humans shitless, and continue without any risk of being found out. Also the fact that it was an annual occurrence filled with candy and sugar didn't hurt either.

**434. Take a real song, edit it a little, then make it your theme song**

"A little bit of Maria in my life; A little bit of Riza by my side; A little bit of Sheska is all I need; A little bit of Oliver's what I see; A little bit of Solaris in the sun; A little bit of Roa all night long; A little bit of Winry, here I am; a little bit of you makes me your man…"

"Sir, what the hell was that?"

"Um, hi Riza! Heheh, I was working on….my new code! Yeah, that's right! Don't want those other sneaky alchemists like Fullmetal getting their hands on my notes! Heheheheh…"

-click-

Roy Mustang quickly changed his theme song after the females mentioned decided to band together to kick his ass.

**435. Have a personal moment**

On the last trip to Risembool, Winry found Edward at the cemetery however she held back. She could barely make out him singing a quiet tune and it brought tears to her eyes.

"I wanna hold your hand, mom; I wanna hold your hand…"

**436. Be utterly and completely surprised**

When news got to Central that Oliver Mira Armstrong was actually pregnant there were many reactions such as Roy spit out his coffee and the men literally had their jaws drop as well as anything they were holding.

"What the hell?"

**437. Find out how impregnated the person you never would have expected to be pregnant**

"SOLF FUCKING KIMBLEE? HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN?"

"Well sir, when a male and female decide to participate in sex-"

"I DID NOT MEAN LITERALLY FALMAN."

**438. Go trick or treating**

The Truth was surprised when he heard a knock on the gate only to find Alphonse's body dressed up in a cheaper knock off version of his soul's armor demanding candy.

"Brother, I feel content for some reason…"

"How so Al?"

"Like when we extorted people back in Risembool for food and sweets…."

"Ah, the good old days…."

**439. Change your look **

Ed ended up getting something that at least somewhat matched the uniform. He dressed in a light blue jacket and pants, a black dress shirt and blue tie. However, it was after a mix up at the cleaners…

"_Germany, Germany! Lookie what the cleaners gave me! I have a red cape now!"_

"_Italy? What the hell happened to your uniform?"_

**440. Repaint the walls**

It was decided that Waldo, who was hidden in the mural painted illegally on the HQ walls, would stay hidden forever under a blanket of fresh white paint.

**441. Give up on your day**

After having to be in the same room as Mustang and Edward when they were talking about alchemy, math, and science, Havoc walked out of the room with his brain fried and back into the mindless chaos where everything made sense.

**More references. XD 441 is based on my A day lunches at school during block scheduling. XD (that was today) And sadly 440 happened at my school as well.**

**435 is based on the song 'I want to hold your hand' as done by Glee. That song in the episode made me cry and now I want to do a one-shot of it. XD**


	50. 442 through 450

**Welcome to the Christmas season people! =D I got to go on my first Black Friday shopping trip this year! =D At Wal-Mart, I was there at 1:30 am and I am proud to say that I got everything I was hoping for, except there's one gift I'm not certain about, and that's Sims 3. XD**

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**442. Go Shopping**

Black Friday in Amestris was known to be extremely interesting, especially in Central. Men usually pulled up lawn chairs while watching the women duke it out for a shirt or something else. However, when Riza Hawkeye entered the fray, people went running for their lives since she was determined and running low on sleep.

**443. Go Caroling**

After the men in the office came up with 'Mustang Got Ran Over by a Reindeer', Edward walked in the room with Alphonse and they ended up helping the crew come up with songs. An hour later, they were walking through the halls singing personalized Christmas carols.

**444. Host a Late Night Talk Show**

After a large late night war between shows, Roy Mustang ended up switching networks and his 'Team Mini' fans and started a new late night show: 'Mustang'.

**445. Start a Workout Program**

Breda wanted to get in shape and asked Edward for advice. A week later, he was running for his life from his new trainer who was apparently a housewife but she was scary as hell.

**446. Start a Frenzy**

When someone near the window shouted 'SNOW', people dashed to the window and danced with much rejoicing. However, it was a false alarm and there was great sadness and weeping. It seemed that the first snowfall of the season would not arrive…until the next false alarm.

**447. Protect Your Title**

When Mustang heard that Bradley challenged his title to Lord of the Dance, he immediately ran into the Furher's office and an immediate dance-off commenced.

Mustang proudly strode into his office 3 hours later, dripping in sweat, shirt unbuttoned, but proudly carried his victory trophy proving he had protected his title from yet another opponent.

**448. Impregnate your female other**

Falman's wife angrily stormed into the office one morning with a doctor's report, screaming at the grey haired officer. Falman read the sheet and broke into a grin however his wife did not share the same thoughts.

"You're going to have triplets? That's great!"

"NO IT ISN'T! I'M GOING TO BE THREE TIMES AS FAT THAN WITH ROSALIE!"

"It will enhance your beauty by 3 times it is now?"

Falman was found unconscious with a lump on his head under his desk an hour later. The office now knew not to mess with Mrs. Falman.

**449. Volunteer a Friend**

Roy swore vengeance on Hughes after he got a letter from the city, thanking him for volunteering to be Santa this year. However, currently he was trying to figure a way to get out of it.

**450. Start Decorating for the Holidays**

Central was becoming more and more festive with each passing day. The same went for Major Armstrong and his sparkles as well…sadly…

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**Yay for shameless advertising for my other fic 'Christmas Carols with the FMA Cast' for number 443! XD**


	51. 451 through 459

**Yes, I know it's been awhile, but I've actually been busy! XD Like for example, I'm going to be singing the national anthem at the Admiral's hockey game on Friday night in Milwaukee! =D If any of you readers are going to that, YOU FRIGGING ROCK!**

**Plus, I saw The Nutcracker yesterday and it was epic! I think it may be my Christmas story for the year.**

**451. Switch from everyday pickup lines to more festive ones**

"Hey, I was planning to be Santa this year and I was wondering; would you like to be my hoe, hoe, hoe?"

Mustang was promptly slapped and reverted back to loathing Hughes for initially signing him up to be Santa.

**452. Change a serious moment into a completely random one**

When discussing the Ishbal war, it somehow led to there being an over-the-top musical moment of 'Everyone's a Little bit Racist' including Ling and Scar who happened to walk by at the most opportune moment.

**453. Create a new toy**

When Alphonse annoyed Edward to the point of revenge, Ed cut out the blood seal of the armor and attached it to a tiny toy robot. Now, Al was stuck unless someone wound up the back.

**454. Make popsicles**

"Whenever it is freezing outside and Edward is outside trying to get in, for the love of god let him in!"

The Fullmetal Alchemist was found outside of HQ completely stiff and unable to move right next to his brother when the metal on their bodies froze.

**455. Amuse yourself with current weather conditions and someone stupid**

Roy looked out his window to see some privates outside stuck to the flagpole by their tongues. It took an hour for them to get away and Roy left the office in higher spirits than went he went in that morning.

**456. Make a snowman**

Apparently, making snowmen was an art passed down through the Armstrong family for generations. That statement was actually pretty true when Edward walked though the HQ courtyard to see perfect replicas of the Major in different poses made out of snow.

"This place never ceases to weird me out."

**457. Arrest someone**

_CENTRAL TIMES Date: December 25th_

_An old man was arrested last night for breaking and entering as well as trespassing. When questioned, the bearded man cheerfully replied "I was delivering presents to the children". He is being held for further questioning. His deer and sleigh were impounded for the time being while his sack of wrapped items were taken as evidence._

Roy Mustang folded up his newspaper with a shake of his head. "People these days are getting to freaky with these holidays…"

**458. Create a montage of good times **

When watching the video, Havoc scratched his head in bafflement.

"I was in all of these pictures, but I don't remember anything at all of these things!"

"You were drunk for half of those times Jean…"

"That explains it!"

**459. Watch a ballet**

In Central's version of 'The Nutcracker' that the team managed to get tickets to, Mustang mysteriously disappeared earlier that day and they decided to go without him.

"I think we just for the boss…"

"Really? Where is he…wow….I never thought he'd look that…..normal in tights and the nutcracker outfit."

Apparently, he was the star of the show. However, it was not difficult for the lord of the dance.

**Gotta love the holidays! XD**


	52. 460 through 468

**Hey guys! Merry Christmas! Guess what? So, for Christmas I got 'Epic Mickey', Sims 3, some more stuff like money and clothes, and… A TRIP TO DISNEYWORLD! HELL YES! I've never been to Disney at all before so I'm really excited! =D**

**460. Have a Holiday battle**

When officers were singing Christmas songs through the hallways, another group of officers were getting annoyed and decided to retaliate.

What resulted was a sing off between the Christmas carolers and the men singing the Dreidel song loudly while pounding on a table.

**461. Exchange gifts**

"Very funny…"

It turns out, Mustang wasn't very amused by getting a fire extinguisher for Christmas.

**462. Get banned from the mall**

Roy did not turn out to be a good Santa…at all… Maes and Roy ended up getting banned from the mall.

"I didn't know fake trees burned THAT well"

**463. Have a holiday party**

Eggnog was now being required to be monitored after last year's incident and the person who refused to be named. However, the men of Central were amazed about how she changed when she got drunk after the nog was spiked.

**464. Have a holiday therapy session**

"I swear I saw him! I saw Santa Claus!"

"Now Edward, he's just a myth and a way to spread good cheer. You probably saw a man dressed as Santa Claus and became mistaken."

455. Prove a Therapist wrong

"See! He's right there!" Edward pointed out the window and the therapist paled as reindeer and a flying sleigh passed by the window with a man with a large beard drove it.

**466. Question your earthly beliefs**

There was some pounding on the roof of the therapy office and a few seconds later, a figure dressed in red came out of the chimney covered in soot.

"SANTA!" exclaimed Edward however he stopped dead in his tracks as Santa wiped off his face.

"Sorry I'm late, what did I miss?"

Hoeinheim, AKA: Santa, swiftly got a punch to his jingle bells.

**467. Decorate the tree**

"YOU ARE ALL DEAD WHEN I GET OUT OF THIS!"

Envy's brothers and sister decided that they didn't need to get a Christmas tree this year, and just used Envy instead. He was stuck as the decoration for about a day due to the special precautions the masterminds had come up with to prevent Envy from shape shifting.

**468. Try…yet again…to get a date**

Jean's master plan with his mistletoe hat miserably failed at the Christmas party. Especially when the Furher went by and seemed to follow ALL Christmas traditions no matter what it was or who the gender was.

His team found him an hour later hiding under a table with 6 empty glasses of beer and the ashy remains of his 'brilliant hat'.

**I shall be back later on! HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ONE AND ALL! Also: number 460 happened at my school last Wednesday. XD I was on the Christmas side. XD**


	53. 469 through 477

**So: it is the last day of 2010 and I am two and a half hours away from my house and doggie so that only means one thing: I am with my mom's side of the family in Indiana in chaos. What a way to end the year! -laugh- I love these guys and the 'peace and quiet' that surrounds me. XD**

**469. Celebrate the past year**

There was only one way to give a new year a great arrival: wasted under the table unconscious. It could only lead to a constant theme for the coming year and Hawkeye wasn't looking forward to another year of this nonsense.

**470. Come up with a New Year's Resolution**

Roy begrudgingly agreed that his resolution would be to focus on work more.

The only catch was that he didn't mention that he'd only be focusing on it by looking, but didn't exactly agree to work on it.

**471. Visit family**

When Jean's girlfriend invited him to meet her family, he immediately agreed due to the fact it would make them grow closer and possibly closer to something more.

When he arrived back to work, he had various injuries and refused to even speak of the topic of the holidays.

**472. Get stuck due to weather conditions**

Edward was in the worse mood the Alphonse could remember when a blizzard trapped them in a town due to the train being stuck.

"This is the most annoying town I've ever been to!"

"Brother, are you sure that _isn't_ just due to the fact that everyone in this town is over 5'5" tall?"

"SHUT UP AL!"

**473. View Fireworks**

Courtesy of Colonel Roy Mustang, explosives extraordinaire.

**474. Try to escape chaos**

It was futile, for it followed our favorite state alchemist no matter where he went…as well as explosions.

**475. Do the polar bear plunge**

Havoc and Breda regretted it for the rest of the week after their jingle bells got frostbite.

**476. Enjoy imprisonment**

Kimblee didn't exactly mind being locked up in his cell in the Central Prison since he had music everyday. Nope, he didn't complain when he heard explosions and screams from the chaos of the outside world.

"It's like music to my ears…"

**477. Enjoy self-inflicted imprisonment**

Fuery had been missing for days and no one had seen him since his breakdown.

"It's all just work. It's all just work. It's all just work…" This mantra was supposedly heard from one of the locked closets on base however it was disregarded though, they had yet to find Fuery.

**Happy New Years everybody! The 1st anniversary of this fic is coming up soon! =D**


	54. 478 through 486

**I feel really bad for ignoring all of you for awhile, but I'm taking a small break from FMA fan fiction but I'll continue to update my crack fics at least.**

**Also: a month and 2 days till the 1 year anniversary of this fic first being posted! =D**

**Also, also: GO PACK GO. GO PACK GO. GO PACK GO. BEARS ARE GONNA LOSE!**

**Now that my football (American) rant is done with, we can continue.**

**478. Defy the laws of logic**

"Edward, you're pregnant."

"WHAT? HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN?"

"Well, remember when you got in that alchemy accident that turned you into a chimera?"

"No!"

"Well, apparently it was with a seahorse and seahorses, everyone knows, have the males give birth. So, you and your male lover Roy Mustang now have a child on the way!"

"NOOOOOOOOOO!"

"_Edward, wake up!"_

Ed woke up to a pile of drool on the desk where his head was and an angry Roy Mustang staring down at him.

"Stop sleeping and give me the report Fullmetal. If you're so tired, go sleep at home and not at the library."

"THANK THE NON-EXISTANT GODS THAT IT WAS A DREAM. I HATE THAT BASTARD OF A COLONEL!"

_"What the hell?"_

**479. Test out**

For Roy's yearly alchemist exam, he decided to create a dragon made out of fire. It didn't end well when even flame-resistant items caught fire.

**480. Guess what time it is? THERAPY TIME!**

"When is this psycho going to learn that no matter how many times we go back, our mental health isn't going to get any better?"

"Why do you think she's a therapist? She's crazy herself!"

**481. Have a family reunion**

The Elric Family reunion was pretty much the source of all chaos in the country including people such as: Ed, Al, Hoeinheim, Father, Envy, Roy Mustang, Lust, Ling (since technically he was Greed), Sloth, Fuhrer Bradley (Wrath), Gluttony, and Selim (Pride).

And the therapist. God knows that they all need one…although it hasn't really been working…it's sort of working backwards really...

**482. Have fun in the snow**

Riza Hawkeye walked out of HQ to find a full scale replica of HQ made out of snow as she walked outside. She merely blinked and continued on her way.

**483. Have a fun game of ice hockey**

Three broken ribs, two black eyes, a missing tooth, and 12 packs of icepacks later, the team was happy while Riza seemed a little annoyed but content due to paperwork being completed beforehand.

**484. Settle a long term rivalry**

Face it, Fullmetal and Flame will never end their rivalry. Who are you kidding?

**485. Play pranks**

When someone messed with Ed's coat, there was hell to pay when the Fullmetal Alchemist entered the prank war

**486. Cross-dress**

They could never look at the Fuhrer the same way again

**GO PACK GO. GO PACK GO. GO PACK GO. **

**And now I sadly go back to my exams. ;(**


	55. 487 through 495

**Happy anniversary, happy anniversary, happy anniversary, HAAAAAAPPPPPYYYY ANIVERSARY! =D**

**It's the one year anniversary of this extremely crazy fic and I'll give you some of the stats.**

**Currently, the stats are:**

**54 chapters**

**1303 reviews**

**98,689 views**

**It's in 1 community**

**342 favs**

**185 alerts**

**Thank you all so much for the support and feedback over this past year and I hope to increase these over the next year!**

**Thanks!**

**~iTorchic**

**2/20/11**

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**487. Get away from the world**

Roy had a legit excuse to get away from the world, and was allowed a week away at a stress-free retreat in the south.

A week later, he arrived back at the office completely mellow and laid back, even working on paperwork without complaint…at least for the day.

**488. Discover hidden things about another**

When Lust walked in on Envy as a unicorn prancing around his room, she turned around, closed the door, walked away, then spread the news to her siblings and brought shame upon the sin. He 'justified' that moment as trying new things to try and lure children in however everyone else knew better.

**489. Express your feelings through song**

Edward had been pissed off, but decided to humor them as well.

"So I was like, F*** youuuuu!"

He ended up getting $20 in tips

**490. Walk in on an important meeting**

"So Amestris, how are you doing today?"

"I'm doing fine you Drachmann bastard!"

"Now let's just calm down-"

"SHUT UP XING!"

Edward stepped out of the room unnoticed as he did when first entering the room.

_"Why is everyone in this world insane?"_

**491. Go on a religious experience**

Rose had finally gotten a hold on Edward, coughKIDNAPPINGcough, and dragged him with on one of her religious trips.

He was twitchy for an entire month and refused to let go of his alchemy book the entire time.

**492. Have a dance party**

The rave in the elevator was a big hit…till they got stuck for a few hours.

**493. Have a 'Free Hug Day'**

Alphonse stood outside of HQ all day with a sign reading 'Free Hugs'. Surprisingly, he did get a lot including from his brother, Armstrong, Hawkeye, and even Fuhrer Bradley.

**494. Race against the clock**

Luckily, Edward got the report in just on time with Mustang waiting at his desk with a timer. The threat of lost library privileges really got to the boy.

**495. Finally snap**

There was a year long break from therapy after a year of off and on services for the entire Elric family. The therapist had had enough with the lot of them and fled the country.

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**HAPPY ANNIVERSARY EVERYBODY! -gives cake-**


	56. Author's Note

Hey guys

I know I haven't updated in awhile, but I've been sorta stuck on ideas but expect a real chapter soon.

The real reason for this author's note (something I do not do often) is something known as stealing. Yes, that concept of taking something that is not yours. Well a fic caught my attention, one of the spin-offs of '333 and More Ways to Get Kicked Out of HQ', and I found that while it was in a different fandom (soul eater), it was pretty much completely copied off of 'HQ'.

This is one of my 'Inexcusable Acts' that leave me extremely angry (pissed is more like it), sad, and all around….pissed off. Yeah, I sort of had a melt down after seeing that even the order of the ways were exactly the same as well as the accidental mistakes in some of the ways that clued me into it being ripped off of mine. Even the original ones I wrote myself were taken and used. I ended up venting up for an hour, extremely pissed I might add, before finally breaking down and crying.

Yeah. Crying. I admit it.

Writing is one of my passions and to see my own work stripped from me without even asking if they can use it and even spelling my author name wrong…makes me much more hesitant to continue with these. If what I write is ripped away from me, then why should I even put it up? I know it's a little extreme, but this is one of my greatest aggravations and leaves me feeling broken inside.

What I'm asking is that the person who stole my fic to make their own, to please cease and desist. I'm just asking that you come up with your own ways for your story instead of taking mine right from the story and at the very least, spell 'iTorchic' correctly.

For all of you who want to pursue a spin-off of 333 ways, either one, I really would like it if you asked before just starting it up. It only takes a minute to do so and I'm completely okay with you doing it as long as I get word you're doing it and that you let your own creativity shine instead of just getting it from mine.

Thanks

~iTorchic

5/9/11


	57. 496 through 500

**Hey everyone! Happily, the whole issue discussed in the authors note has been resolved! =D It was done quickly and civilly and they made the choice to delete the story. Thanks for all of support!**

**Now, I have reached the moment that I had been sorta…dodging… but it's finally time.**

**This is the final chapter of 333 and More Ways to Get Kicked Out!**

**Eh, I figured 500 was a good amount XD I nearly doubled the amount that I set out to do! I've inspired people, I ended up sorta starting a '333 ways' craze, I even became the 3rd most popular fic here on this site in the FMA fandom! (Seriously, I have the 3rd most reviews! XD)**

**I'd like to thank all of you for all of your support! =D I never would have gotten as good at these fics if it weren't for you guys!**

**Now, the reasoning for ending this is pretty much so it'll give me more time to close up some of my other fics and start some new ones including some new 333 ways lists! Ideas on the table right now: '333 Ways to Get Kicked Out of Ouran High', some new one shots, the much awaited sequel to 'Soul Swap', and more to come!**

**I will be continuing on the UN fic and FINALLY update 'All is One, I am All' (after about a year LOL) and some of my other crack fics and stories.**

**All in all, thank you SO MUCH for all of your support! When I get into college (1 year to go!) I plan on going to cons all around and hopefully do some Cosplay skits with this fic and some of my other fics as well as perform with my music partner some anime songs on our violins and my banjo. I can play caramelldansen on it =3 So long and thanks from a very appreciative authoress!**

**~iTorchic**

* * *

**496. Go into a car wash**

It was a new cleaning place in Risembool for cars and tractors, and when Edward and Alphonse returned home filthy, Winry decided to give the place a try but for a different reason.

"At least she covered the blood seal brother!"

"But we're soaking wet!"

**497. Become a millionaire**

Fuery finally hit gold, literally. One of his inventions, a electronic device called an MPEG, and MP3 for short.

He promptly retired to his mansion, having a bunch of girls chilling with him in a hot tub.

Needless to say his old team paid him many visits.

**498. Go to Space**

An attempt to get rid of Mustang by Edward by creating a space craft and launching it into the atmosphere.

Sadly, it backfired when Roy came back an even bigger hero for exploring ("HA") the vastness of space.

**499. Make a Movie**

The Elrics' former therapist ended up with a good amount of money too for the movie she wrote on the…issues of the family of patients gave her.

Sadly, they didn't get to star in it either.

**500. Get Kicked Out of HQ**

A female private was finally kicked out of the military building after stalking numerous officers and the Furher himself to create a guide for new recruits and various officers on the going-ons of the military.

The guide was finally completed and distributed to the delight of officers.

She was never heard from again...in Amestris at least


End file.
